It is now time to preview the NFC. Like the last post, I will preview each team in relation to 2 songs from the 80's. That is the 1980's for you young whippersnappers. I will also list each team in a predicted order of finish and with there records. On we go.
NFC East:
Dallas Cowboys (10-6):
"Digging Your Scene" - The Blow Monkeys: The talk of the preseason has been the giant screens that the Cowboys have placed over their field. There is no doubt that the other owners are jealous and I am pretty sure Dan Snyder will have some sort of hovercraft video screen within the next few weeks.
"Secret Separation" - The Fixx: Well, maybe not so secret, but the Cowboys have rid themselves of the no talent distractions Terrell Owens, Pacman Jones, Tank Johnson and Jessica Simpson. This is a good thing, well until Romo finds another blonde bimbo.
New York Giants (10-6):
"Goody Two Shoes" - Adam and the Ants: "Derr, I meant to throw it to my receiver. Lets go get some ice cream and then head to the sock hop". Giants fans, your starting QB.
"Everybody Wants to Rule the World" - Tears for Fears: This is for coach Coughlin. Currently he rules a 4x4 foot square in his back yard.
Philadelphia Eagles (8-8):
"I Know There's Something Going On" - Frida: We know Donovan McNabb is sensitive (not a good trait for a QB) and they still bring in Michael Vick. This is not going to end well.
"Legs" - ZZ Top: If the Eagles are going to succeed it rests on the legs of...oh you thought i was going to say Vick...but no, it is Brian Westbrook. If he can exceed his career high of 8 games played, things might be ok.
Washington Redskins (7-9):
"Bringing On The Heartbreak"- Def Leppard: Every year the Redskins make a big free agent signing, only to be disappointed again and again. Hey is that Strausberg over there (trying to distract the Skins fans from another disappointing season"
"Toy Soldiers" - Martika: I think this is how Dan Snyder views his team, except he has no arms and can only move them with his nose. (Somehow that made sense to me)
NFC West:
Arizona Cardinals (11-5):
"I've Done Everything For You" - Rick Springfield: ...and you've done nothing for me. This goes to Anquin Boldin, who is being paid like a long snapper though he is a top WR in the game. This offense has everything you want except a running game or an offensive line, but still should roll through the West.
"You Gotta Fight For The Right To Party" - Beastie Boys: There is a good chance your back-up QB is at a party on a yacht instead of the QB meeting right now.
Seattle Seahawks (9-7):
"Who Can It Be Now" - Men At Work: This is in relation to their running attack and the offensive lineman wondering who it is this time running into their backside for a 0 yard gain.
"I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" - U2: Since they have no running attack, every receiver will be double covered thus making Hasselback go through his progressions at least 3 times before he is sacked.
San Francisco 49er's (6-10):
"How To Be A Millionaire" - ABC: For Michael Crabtree and his "advisers" saying that they are willing to sit out a year instead of accepting his slot money which is millions. Work at a fast food chain for 40 years and you might make a million dollars, which is where you are headed.
"Hold Me Now" - Thompson Twins: Frank Gore needs a hug. He is awesome, his team is not.
St Louis Rams (4-12):
"Crumbling Down" - John Cougar Mellencamp: Their offensive line on any given play.
"Living In a Box" - Living In a Box: Pretty sure this is where all of their WR would be living if they weren't on the Rams roster.
NFC North:
Minnesota Vikings (11-5)
"Hello Again" - The Cars: Hey Brett Favre, you haven't been in the news for 18 hours, better hold a retirement press conference. Being a Viking fan, I like the attention, obviously not as much as Favre though.
"Turn Me Loose" - Loverboy: This is for the hope that Favre and his ego doesn't audible out of any AP running plays. Give the ball to AP 25 times a game and you will get anywhere from 2-25 TD's a game.
Green Bay Packers (10-6):
"1999" - Prince: A somewhat return to the glory years for the Packers I think. Rodgers is solid, decent RB and really good receivers. I have no joke here, even being a Viking fan. This hurts me.
"What I Am" - Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians: What Aaron Rodgers is, and that is currently better than their former QB.
Chicago Bears (9-7):
"Space Age Love Song" - Flock of Seagulls: This is for Chicago's current love affair with their new QB, who happens to be a little spacey. This wont last long, much like any QB in Chicago for the past 30 years.
"Lunatic Fringe" - Red Rider: Brian Urlacher. Continuing the trend of great Chicago MLB's. Just a freak.
Detroit Lions (3-13):
" Road To Nowhere" - Talking Heads: Well, at least its a road. I guess. Well, maybe.
"What Have I Done To Deserve This" - Pet Shop Boys: To Calvin Johnson, the second best receiver in the league. Probably feels like a man among Pee Wee Football players.
NFC South
New Orleans Saints (10-6)
"Hungry Like The Wolf" - Duran Duran: They have an unstoppable offense led by Drew Brees, yet they have little playoff success. I think this is the year.
"Crazy" - Icehouse: The one person that could implode their team is the highly overrated tool named Jeremy Shockey. Seriously, is there anyone on the planet with talent as low as his and an ego as high as his. Oh Wait, I forgot about reality TV.
Atlanta Falcons (10-6)
"Just Like Heaven" - The Cure: How Michael Turner and Matt Ryan reacted after the arrival of Tony Gonzalez.
"Hit Me With Your Best Shot" - Pat Benatar: Turner carried the ball 373 times last year. Expect a little downturn.
Carolina Panthers (7-9)
"King of Pain" - The Police: This only applies to Steve Smith and his relationship with his teammates during training camp. Anyway you look at it, he is going to get a lot of yards and quite a few TD's
"Footloose" - Kenny Loggins: Delhomme, you need to completely forget about last year's playoffs. It is under the bridge...or stall, as are your cheerleaders.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-11)
"Ship of Fools" - World Party: You know that ship they have at their stadium, well it is going to be quiet this year with the rag tag bunch of QB's they have.
"Its the End of The World As We Know It" - REM: This goes out to their defense which has been awesome for the last 5-8 years. Not anymore. But they still have Chris Hovan, who I am sure nobody wants to touch.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
AFC Preview with a Little Help From the 80's
Here is my preview for the upcoming season of the AFC, only each teams preview will be tied to a two songs from the 80's that related to them. An experiment, maybe mad, but still, lets see what happens. Each team will be listed in my projected order of finish with my guess at their records.
AFC East:
New England Patriots(12-4):
"Our Lips are Sealed" - GoGo's: I truly believe that one of the Patriots could be shot, in the ICU in critical condition and Bill Belichick will list him as Questionable on the injury report. That is the thing about the Patriots, they are quite deceptive and not only on the field. Just look at Tom Brady's "injury" from last year, which leads to the second song.
"Dude Looks Like A Lady" - Aerosmith: I think his injury was fabricated so he could do more modeling. If your QB spends more time in the makeup room than his supermodel wife, that is not a good sign. Still, they run away with the division.
New York Jets (9-7):
"Relax" - Frankie Goes To Hollywood: Jets fans are up in arms. What are we going to do without a Diva QB? We need a malcontent WR to fix this so we can get on the front page instead of the Giants. Settle down. You are fine and should be in the playoff hunt, no matter the QB and with your current WR's.
"Bang Your Head" - Quiet Riot: I don't know why, but i just think Jets fans do this a lot.
Miami Dolphins (7-9):
"Everybody Have Fun Tonight" - Wang Chung: After last years incredible turnaround, they will be faced with a tougher schedule, so my guess is that for their home games they hope the opposing players head to South Beach and have a little fun. I am not a believer in Noodle Arm Pennington. Which leads to;
"Wouldn't It Be Good" - Nik Kershaw: Except I would change the title of the song to "Wouldn't It Be Good (To Have a QB Who Could Throw the Ball More Than 20 Yards).
Buffalo Bills (5-11):
"Take On ME" - Aha: ...and my baggage. Buffalo, you have no idea what you have got yourself into. Well, actually you should if you have watched any film of the 49er's, Eagles, or Cowboys over the past 10 years.
"We Built This City" - Starship: The Bills built this city into a sports town. This flirtation with Toronto needs to stop as it is not only a distraction for the players, but the fans. But TO in Canada could be fun.
AFC West:
San Diego Chargers (11-5):
"Don't You Want Me" - Human League: This is in relation to LT and Fantasy Football. He has dropped off the map. I still think he has something in the tank, and that is more than any other team in this division.
"Only Time Will Tell" - Asia: Whether or not the whole Eli crying to his daddy that he doesn't want to play in SD, so gets traded to NY for Phillip Rivers will work out better for SD. Right now I give the edge to Rivers as he is the better QB and will tear up this division. (yes, i know Eli won a Super Bowl, and I couldn't be happier that it was over the 18-1 Patriots, but the defense won that game.)
Denver Bronco's (6-10):
"Destination Unknown" - Missing Persons: This not only describes the current situation with Brandon Marshall and whether he will still be on the team in Week 1 but also, if he is, where he will be running on passing plays as he has yet to read the playbook.
"Do You Really Want To Hurt Me" - Culture Club: For Josh McDaniels and the relationship with the Bronco fans. I say the answer is a resounding yes after he somehow turned Jay Cutler into Kyle Orton. That trade would probably make Madden '10 explode.
Kansas City Chiefs (5-11):
"Money For Nothing" - Dire Straits: Lets see. We really aren't very good. Lets throw a ton of money at a QB who hasn't been a starter since high school until last year when he played on a team where even Richard Simmons could QB and look good. Bad Call.
"All I Need Is A Miracle" - Mike and The Mechanics: To Coach Todd Haley, and not only for his first season but also on whether or not he can get Larry Johnson to try.
Oakland Raiders (2-14):
"Don't Know What You Got" - Cinderella: I think Al Davis has a Special Assistant To Remind Him Who Is On His Team Each Morning.
"Land Of Confusion" - Genesis: The Raiders running an offensive play.
AFC North:
Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6):
"Back Where You Belong" - .38 Special: They are now the kings of the NFL as defending Superbowl Champions. And I am happy for them but if I hear another Steeler fan say Sixburgh, I am going to go off. Due to your running game, you may see a lot of 3 in the box this year.
"Everybody Wants You" - Billy Squier: This is also the torch you carry by being Superbowl champs, everybody is out to beat you, which I think leads to a few more losses this year.
Cincinnati Bengals (8-8):
"No More Words" - Berlin: The NFL has shot down any ideas of Chad Johnson (I will not call him by his new name) Tweeting during the game. Well, as the past has shown, telling him he can't do something, only makes him want to do it more so he gets his name in the media. I expect several tweets "I was open" on running plays this year.
"No One Is To Blame" - Howard Jones: This could be in relation to the yearly Bengal crime spree but I give this one to Andre Smith as I am guessing in his mind no one is to blame for him eating double cheeseburgers instead of working out all summer and then showing up late for camp.
Baltimore Ravens (8-8):
"Eyes Without A Face" - Billy Idol: Can you name more than 5 players on the Ravens? This song could also be used if you happen to run into Ray Lewis in an alley after a party.
"One" - Metallica: This is what the Ravens hope to gain with each run.
Cleveland Browns: (3-13)
"I'm Your Man" - WHAM: This goes to the QB battle between Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson. Each making their case during the preseason, and I would go against most people and say give the job to Anderson as he gives you the best chance at 4 wins this year. This also happens to be Brady Quinn's favorite band.
"Keep Your Hands To Yourself" - Georgia Satalites: Braylon Edwards takes this song to heart as he led the league in passes bouncing off your face mask with 31 last year.
AFC South:
Indianapolis Colts (11-5):
"Mr Roboto" - Styx: Obviously, Peyton Manning. Not only at the QB position and his stats, his audibles at the line and his throws but also his commercial. I wouldn't be surprised if he was a robot that Archie created due to his lack of success.
"Sentamental Street" - Night Ranger: This is the first year without legends Marvin Harrison and Tony Dungy. Whenever you needed a good laugh, you just stared at the beauty of their mustaches and life would be better.
Houston Texans (10-6):
"Out Of The Blue" - Debbie Gibson: This seems to be everyone's pick to make the leap this year and I am drinking that Kool-Aid. I think after last year and the turn arounds at Miami and Atlanta, everyone wants to be in on the next team. I am waiting for the person to claim every single team will improve their record this year.
"What I Like About You" - The Romantics: That would be a healthy Schaub (for now), Slaton, Johnson, Walters, Daniels and Williams. Still wish Houston had the Oilers though.
Tennessee Titans (9-7):
"Eternal Flame" - The Bangles: Kerry Collins. I don't think I have ever seen a career progression like this. Stud College QB, NFL Bust, Alcohol issues, Serviceable Backup, Starting QB, Playoff QB. I wouldn't mind that route to 40.
"Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" - WHAM: Sorry for the two WHAM references in one post, but this relates to Vince Young. You are a backup QB, nothing more. You have got more credit for one great college game than any player ever and if you ever decide to go on one of your "Pity me I am making millions of dollars" absences again, please wake us, so we can not care while awake.
Jacksonville Jaguars (7-9)
"Just Like Starting Over" - John Lennon: They are a fairly recent expansion team, generally speaking, and their WR corps are probably equal in talent. Well, at least none of them have been caught doing coke in a parking lot, yet.
"Break My Stride" - Matthew Wilder: MJD gets the backfield to himself with the departure of Fred Taylor. I think he is the second most talented running back in the league and now he gets to show his stuff. His huge year will keep the Jaguars respectable.
There is my AFC Preview, stay tuned tomorrow when I try to surf through about 80 songs about the Lions and get it down to two.
AFC East:
New England Patriots(12-4):
"Our Lips are Sealed" - GoGo's: I truly believe that one of the Patriots could be shot, in the ICU in critical condition and Bill Belichick will list him as Questionable on the injury report. That is the thing about the Patriots, they are quite deceptive and not only on the field. Just look at Tom Brady's "injury" from last year, which leads to the second song.
"Dude Looks Like A Lady" - Aerosmith: I think his injury was fabricated so he could do more modeling. If your QB spends more time in the makeup room than his supermodel wife, that is not a good sign. Still, they run away with the division.
New York Jets (9-7):
"Relax" - Frankie Goes To Hollywood: Jets fans are up in arms. What are we going to do without a Diva QB? We need a malcontent WR to fix this so we can get on the front page instead of the Giants. Settle down. You are fine and should be in the playoff hunt, no matter the QB and with your current WR's.
"Bang Your Head" - Quiet Riot: I don't know why, but i just think Jets fans do this a lot.
Miami Dolphins (7-9):
"Everybody Have Fun Tonight" - Wang Chung: After last years incredible turnaround, they will be faced with a tougher schedule, so my guess is that for their home games they hope the opposing players head to South Beach and have a little fun. I am not a believer in Noodle Arm Pennington. Which leads to;
"Wouldn't It Be Good" - Nik Kershaw: Except I would change the title of the song to "Wouldn't It Be Good (To Have a QB Who Could Throw the Ball More Than 20 Yards).
Buffalo Bills (5-11):
"Take On ME" - Aha: ...and my baggage. Buffalo, you have no idea what you have got yourself into. Well, actually you should if you have watched any film of the 49er's, Eagles, or Cowboys over the past 10 years.
"We Built This City" - Starship: The Bills built this city into a sports town. This flirtation with Toronto needs to stop as it is not only a distraction for the players, but the fans. But TO in Canada could be fun.
AFC West:
San Diego Chargers (11-5):
"Don't You Want Me" - Human League: This is in relation to LT and Fantasy Football. He has dropped off the map. I still think he has something in the tank, and that is more than any other team in this division.
"Only Time Will Tell" - Asia: Whether or not the whole Eli crying to his daddy that he doesn't want to play in SD, so gets traded to NY for Phillip Rivers will work out better for SD. Right now I give the edge to Rivers as he is the better QB and will tear up this division. (yes, i know Eli won a Super Bowl, and I couldn't be happier that it was over the 18-1 Patriots, but the defense won that game.)
Denver Bronco's (6-10):
"Destination Unknown" - Missing Persons: This not only describes the current situation with Brandon Marshall and whether he will still be on the team in Week 1 but also, if he is, where he will be running on passing plays as he has yet to read the playbook.
"Do You Really Want To Hurt Me" - Culture Club: For Josh McDaniels and the relationship with the Bronco fans. I say the answer is a resounding yes after he somehow turned Jay Cutler into Kyle Orton. That trade would probably make Madden '10 explode.
Kansas City Chiefs (5-11):
"Money For Nothing" - Dire Straits: Lets see. We really aren't very good. Lets throw a ton of money at a QB who hasn't been a starter since high school until last year when he played on a team where even Richard Simmons could QB and look good. Bad Call.
"All I Need Is A Miracle" - Mike and The Mechanics: To Coach Todd Haley, and not only for his first season but also on whether or not he can get Larry Johnson to try.
Oakland Raiders (2-14):
"Don't Know What You Got" - Cinderella: I think Al Davis has a Special Assistant To Remind Him Who Is On His Team Each Morning.
"Land Of Confusion" - Genesis: The Raiders running an offensive play.
AFC North:
Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6):
"Back Where You Belong" - .38 Special: They are now the kings of the NFL as defending Superbowl Champions. And I am happy for them but if I hear another Steeler fan say Sixburgh, I am going to go off. Due to your running game, you may see a lot of 3 in the box this year.
"Everybody Wants You" - Billy Squier: This is also the torch you carry by being Superbowl champs, everybody is out to beat you, which I think leads to a few more losses this year.
Cincinnati Bengals (8-8):
"No More Words" - Berlin: The NFL has shot down any ideas of Chad Johnson (I will not call him by his new name) Tweeting during the game. Well, as the past has shown, telling him he can't do something, only makes him want to do it more so he gets his name in the media. I expect several tweets "I was open" on running plays this year.
"No One Is To Blame" - Howard Jones: This could be in relation to the yearly Bengal crime spree but I give this one to Andre Smith as I am guessing in his mind no one is to blame for him eating double cheeseburgers instead of working out all summer and then showing up late for camp.
Baltimore Ravens (8-8):
"Eyes Without A Face" - Billy Idol: Can you name more than 5 players on the Ravens? This song could also be used if you happen to run into Ray Lewis in an alley after a party.
"One" - Metallica: This is what the Ravens hope to gain with each run.
Cleveland Browns: (3-13)
"I'm Your Man" - WHAM: This goes to the QB battle between Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson. Each making their case during the preseason, and I would go against most people and say give the job to Anderson as he gives you the best chance at 4 wins this year. This also happens to be Brady Quinn's favorite band.
"Keep Your Hands To Yourself" - Georgia Satalites: Braylon Edwards takes this song to heart as he led the league in passes bouncing off your face mask with 31 last year.
AFC South:
Indianapolis Colts (11-5):
"Mr Roboto" - Styx: Obviously, Peyton Manning. Not only at the QB position and his stats, his audibles at the line and his throws but also his commercial. I wouldn't be surprised if he was a robot that Archie created due to his lack of success.
"Sentamental Street" - Night Ranger: This is the first year without legends Marvin Harrison and Tony Dungy. Whenever you needed a good laugh, you just stared at the beauty of their mustaches and life would be better.
Houston Texans (10-6):
"Out Of The Blue" - Debbie Gibson: This seems to be everyone's pick to make the leap this year and I am drinking that Kool-Aid. I think after last year and the turn arounds at Miami and Atlanta, everyone wants to be in on the next team. I am waiting for the person to claim every single team will improve their record this year.
"What I Like About You" - The Romantics: That would be a healthy Schaub (for now), Slaton, Johnson, Walters, Daniels and Williams. Still wish Houston had the Oilers though.
Tennessee Titans (9-7):
"Eternal Flame" - The Bangles: Kerry Collins. I don't think I have ever seen a career progression like this. Stud College QB, NFL Bust, Alcohol issues, Serviceable Backup, Starting QB, Playoff QB. I wouldn't mind that route to 40.
"Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" - WHAM: Sorry for the two WHAM references in one post, but this relates to Vince Young. You are a backup QB, nothing more. You have got more credit for one great college game than any player ever and if you ever decide to go on one of your "Pity me I am making millions of dollars" absences again, please wake us, so we can not care while awake.
Jacksonville Jaguars (7-9)
"Just Like Starting Over" - John Lennon: They are a fairly recent expansion team, generally speaking, and their WR corps are probably equal in talent. Well, at least none of them have been caught doing coke in a parking lot, yet.
"Break My Stride" - Matthew Wilder: MJD gets the backfield to himself with the departure of Fred Taylor. I think he is the second most talented running back in the league and now he gets to show his stuff. His huge year will keep the Jaguars respectable.
There is my AFC Preview, stay tuned tomorrow when I try to surf through about 80 songs about the Lions and get it down to two.
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