NFL Week 3 - What We Know

Alright, Week 3 of the NFL is now in the books, it is time to take a look at what we have learned:

This New GB QB Isn't Half Bad

I am not sure who GB got this off season to be their starting QB but he has them off to a 3-0 start and is looking good. All I know is it can’t be the guy from last two years who littered the sky with interceptions. I know the guy they had last year had at least 46 news conferences during the off season to announce his retirement, he had to retire during one of them didn't he?

Raiders Win First Game Since 1996

The Oakland Raiders won their first game this decade after they were able to wake up a passed-out Sebastian Janikowski for a 4th quarter FG that ended up being the difference in the final score. Said new Coach Lane Kiffin, “From what I hear, he is normally smashed by the 2nd quarter, but by then we are usually so far out of the game that we don’t need him. So basically we just assign a rookie to him to keep him from putting any Ecstasy in the cheerleader’s water bottles. Actually, we don’t even wake him up after the game and just let the grounds crew deal with giving him a ride home.” Since this was a close game, the Raiders were lucky Janikowski was able to convert on 2 short 2nd quarter field goals, even though he was completely tanked. The first one, a 22yd attempt, bounced off both uprights causing Janikowski to fall down trying to keep track of the ball and the second one ricocheted off of the long snappers head and through the uprights causing him to giggle uncontrollably until halftime.

God Must Like Kitna Better than Warner

It was revealed last week that a higher power really likes Jon Kitna as his concussion was healed and he was able to finish the game and beat the Vikings, though I am pretty sure a drunken llama could have played QB and beaten the Vikings. This week he or she was at work again as he or she turned Kurt Warner back into a serviceable NFL QB, which could only be a miracle. But, in the end, the Cardinals ended up losing the game, so Warner must not be liked that much. It could possibly be that the higher power is not exactly happy with Mr. Warner’s gay marriage to his partner Brenda.

OK, a condensed version this week due to yesterday's issues but trust me the storylines that were in the original post that didn't make this version will be used later and possibly still relevent, hopefully another column tomorrow...and then we will have a full version recap of week 4 next week.

NFL Week 3 - What We Learned (Delayed)

I had a really funny post this week and after spending hours on it, i tried to post it and blogspot errored out and deleted it. So instead of doing a half-assed post, i will rewrite it tomorrow and have it up along with another column

NFL Week 3 - What We Know

Week 3 is in the books, here is what we have learned:



This QB that GB got is pretty darn good:



This young kid has GB off to a 3-0 start this year, even with RB's who seem to think that games are won a 1/2 yard at a time. This QB is much better than the guy they have had the past few years who lit up the skies with interceptions. Good thing for GB, that that guy finally retired or at least i think he did, he had 45 retirement news conferences so he must have retired at one of them and GB brought on this new guy who, well doesn't throw interceptions faster than Lindsay Lohan can say "No, Nooooo...I is OK to driiive...I'll juuust put the cocaine in my pocket...they will never look theere!"



Oakland Get 1st Win since 1996



The Raiders were able to secure their first victory of the decade when they were able to awaken Kicker Sebastian Janakowski for a 48 yard FG in the 4th quarter which ended up being the game-winner. Normally, Janakowski couldn't be relied on by the Raider's as his is usually smashed by the 2nd quarter. Nothing changed in this game as he was smashed by quarter two but only had to kick a 22 & 23 yarder, one which banked off the goalpost 4 times before going through, and the other which ricocheted off his long-snapper's helmet and through the goalposts.



God still doesn't like Kurt Warner's Gay Marriage



After last week's "miracle" recovery of Jon Kitna to assist in the Lions win over NFL powerhouse, the Vikings, he focused his intentions on the Cardinal's this week as another devout follower took over the QB reigns. This time it was Kurt Warner, and even though he let him rally the Cardinals, they came up just short against the Ravens. This could be for one or two reasons. Maybe God doesn't approve of Kurt's gay marriage to Brenda, or, like everyone else, he is afraid of Ray Lewis.



Fantasy Football Fanatic seen on local roof with a sniper rifle.



After this past weekends rash of injuries to running backs and wide receivers, a local Cincinnati resident was seen climbing up on a roof with what appeared to be a sniper rifle. In a note to the press he claimed "I posted a question on ESPN's daily fantasy chats and it hasn't been answered. All i wanted to know was the condition of Rudi Johnson and if Kenny Watson was going to be a good pickup. I posted the question 1000 times in two hours with no answer. I know they say not to post more than once, but i needed this answered. They answered Brian from Lexington's question earlier in the chat with the same topic, but it wasn't phrased as good as mine and if i don't get mine answered, I can't tell my friends i got posted online at ESPN and thus catch up in our weekly pool of how many questions we can get answered to fill our need for recognition of obvious questions." As he was climbing up the roof he was heard shouting "Damn you TMR! Talented my Ass! I know you saw my question and it was the most important of the week. Damn you all to Hell!"



Mike Tomlin upset that he is 1 year too late.



Tomlin, the coach of the 3-0 Pittsburgh Steelers, is upset that he didn't get the reigns to the Steeler organization 1 year earlier so he could have had a chance to be involved in the first Super Bowl with two black head coaches. He is hopeful this year though that he can be involved in the first Black Head Coach vs a White Head Coach Who Actually Think Mustaches Are Still Hip in the Super Bowl should the Eagles, Vikings or the Seahawks make the Super Bowl.



Ok, that is it for this week, and as you can see i have left the Manning Dorks alone, as well as the NE Cheatriots...oh wait, i guess that mention means they are here, but i won't label them.

Fantasy Foursome - Group 1

Now that the exciting FedEx Cup has ended, we need a way to keep golf on the map as the mega rich golfers go on their 4 month vacations (oh wait, they might play golf 1 week during that time, whoa, grueling to have to play golf on your vacation). Anyways, a new feature here will be "Dream Foursomes", which will pit sports stars in the news and what would happen if they golfed together. The first one may be a little shoddy, but give it a shot (as i already have 5 lined up):

What if OJ Simpson, Isiah Thomas, Terrell Owens, & Bill Belichick played a round:

Tee Box, Hole 1

TO: Hey OJ, I understand your 60 and all, but who is that caddying for you?

OJ's Caddy: THIS IS AC!!! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHO I AM!!!!

Belichick (BB): I'll go first, don't mind the camera's. Whoa, shanked that one. Mulligan.

After 17 mulligans, BB finally hits one in the fairway.

BB: I think i will take that one, but let me review the film.

TO is next on the box and dribble's one barely past the ladies tee and goes into a wild celebration.

Isiah Thomas (IT): Dude, why do you celebrate like that, I only celebrate when i completely destroy a league, franchise or my life.

TO: All my fans need to know when to celebrate as they aren't real bright, kinda like when i get 9 yards on a 3rd and 13, they got to celebrate TO making a catch without dropping it, so I celebrate.

OJ stumbles out of the woods carrying a burlap sack that looks like it holds a body.

BB: Hey, what do you have in that sack OJ? A Spy?

OJ: No, No, No man. Its the prize for the winner. Its a married woman willing to do anything. My turn, AC give me my gun, i mean Driver.

OJ hits one into the woods, a pretty good hiding place.

IT: Hey, why can't i have a woman put the ball on the tee for me?

TO: Why do you need women, when you can have this? (Rips off shirt, does sit-ups)

Move forward to hole 7...

IT: Hey, here comes the beer bitch! Hey Bill, your not allowed to call her bitch, that is degrading.

Beer Cart Girl Arrives

BB: Are you married?

OJ: Hey Bill! You have my s**t, up against the wall #@$%&!

BB: Umm, there is no wall

IT: Hey woman, if you want a tip, maybe you should open my bottle if you know what i mean

TO: (Off in the distance doing a celebration dance) Hey look at me! Look at me!!!

Beer Cart Girl speeds off, but not before BB has taken 3 cases of beer, 25 Snickers and the steering wheel. She ends up driving straight into a tree and the golf cart goes into flames.

OJ: Bill, give me that steering wheel, i need to get my fingerprints on it so i can be on the cover of US Weekly and become relevent again!

We fast forward to them walking off of 18.

BB: Ok, what did everyone get for the day, I got an 18. Yep, hole in one on every hole.

TO: Wait we were keeping score, i haven't hit a ball since hole one. With all of Bill's camera's around, i was just doing celebration dances! You don't need to accomplish anything to do a dance! -1 yard gain? Celebrate cause the best WR caught a pass, need to celebrate.

IT: Well, i got a 69 if you know what i mean. Wait, there are no women around, let me save that joke.

OJ: Yo AC! Grab that burlap sack and put it on the hood. It is rush hour and all the traffic helicopter's are out!

Ok, that is the first installment, it might need a little tweaking but i think this will be a running column.

NFL Week 2 - What We Know

Alright, Week 2 of the NFL is now in the books, it is time to take a look at what we have learned:

Bengal’s Defensive Players Think the Cleveland Browns are the Cincinnati Police

Somehow the Bengal’s gave up 51 points to the Cleveland Browns. I’m not sure if the Brown’s offense showed up wearing badges, had billy clubs on their belts or donut remnants around their mouths, but when they saw them, they started running in the other direction. Well, either way, I lost my bet that the Browns wouldn't score 50 points all season. I still have hope though that Brady Quinn will start at some point and then they will more than likely score negative points, so it’s still possible they score under 50 for the year.

Brett Favre to play until he is 75

Seriously, where is he going to get more adulation than he does now? Every announcer and sports anchor dotes over him like when their new batch of makeup shows up. They have been offering praise over such recent achievements as multiple interceptions on the same play, flinging the ball wildly into triple coverage while avoiding a sack killing three and basically looking like a homeless guy. Why would he retire? Where is he going to get this kind of adulation after retirement? Is he just going to walk around his hometown and yell out things like, “Hey everyone, look, I am using the crosswalk!” or “Look, I left the strip club before midnight!” or “Look everyone! I killed this drifter!” Either way, expect 4 months of ESPN running “Will he Retire?” segments each off-season for the next 40 years.

Suicide Rate up 75% for Fantasy Football Players who own Steven Jackson, Larry Johnson or Lee Evans compared to the rest of population.

Fantasy owners who have any of these guys on their team are offing themselves at an incredible rate these days. In most of the suicide notes they are referencing the same reason for throwing themselves under a bus, literally. The common reason seems to be unrelenting taunts from owners of Derek Anderson, LaMont Jordan, and Wes “Frickin” Welker ("Frickin" a direct quote from over 82% of the notes). Now the team owners who own all three (Jackson, Johnson & Evans) have taken a different path, they all seem to be in the midst of a 7-state killing spree.

Dolphin’s Set Record for most consecutive games started by a crappy QB.

Let’s take a look at the list of starting QB’s since Marino retired in 1999: Jay Fiedler, Damon Huard, Ray Lucas, Brian Greise, AJ Feeley, Sage Rosenfels, Gus Ferotte, Daunte Culpepper, Joey Harrington, Cleo Lemon & Trent Green. I don’t even have a joke here. From my count that is 114 straight games started by a crappy QB, not including playoffs (though with this set of QB’s, I’m not sure the word playoffs really applied, even going into the season)

How did the Patriot’s Cheat This Week? (A new weekly feature)

Somehow Bill Bellichek drugged the owner and GM of the Chargers enough to a point where they thought hiring Norv Turner would be a good idea as the new SD coach.

David Carr Drives Injury Cart across the Field wearing diapers and runs over Matt Schaub

In what can only be described as a jealous fit similar to a 15-year old girl, David Carr stole the injury cart right before halftime of the Carolina-Houston game, drove all the way across the field and ran over Matt Schaub. He was then sacked 17 times. It was later determined that he was wearing diapers during the drive. When asked about this he replied, “Well, those carts are really slow, they only go a few miles an hour, and I didn't know if I was going to pee or soil myself like every other time I have been on a football field.”

Atlanta & Kansas City apply for Independent Status so they can get Notre Dame on their schedule.

Both the Falcons and the Chiefs have put in applications to Commissioner Roger Goodell to apply for independent status, thus paving the way to having Notre Dame on their schedules. KC head coach Herm Edwards had this to say, “We really need to get LJ going and I think this is the way to do it. Not only will we get at least 1 win this year, I believe LJ could surpass the rushing record for a season in one game.” Atlanta coach Bobby Petrino, who coached Louisville last year added, “We had been trying to get them on our schedule for years while I was at Louisville, but the NCAA kept on saying we weren't allowed to play Junior College teams. I even believe Joey could beat that spiky haired punk of a QB they got.” (As a side note, i think Clausen likes himself a little too much.)

Philly Fans Boo Amber Alert Child Shown on JumboTron.

During Monday nights Eagles game versus the Redskins, Philly fans took time off from booing Donovan McNabb for a moment to boo a 13-year old Philadelphia fan who had wandered off from her parents during the game and was shown on the JumboTron as an Amber Alert. Said one fan, “Not the best time to go wandering off. It was right during a timeout and they were showing a local Cheese Steak commercial that had specials after the game. Now I don’t know where to go” She was later found poking a stick at several passed out Eagle fans in the concourse. She claimed “It smells like they have been here for days, though it does look like the cheese all over their face is still warm”
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Tarvaris Jackson Agrees with Donovan McNabb’s Comments

Earlier this week, McNabb had said in an interview that “Black QB’s have to give it that little extra as fans and the media are more critical of them.” Tarvaris Jackson agrees, “Yeah, the Minnesota fans get on me all the time after I throw one of my many interceptions, which I am positive is because I am black. I mean I throw 5-6 interceptions a game, what more do they want from me. I know it’s a race thing because when Tom Brady throws an interception every 4th game or so, you don’t see the fans getting on him and booing.”

For the record, I am guessing Donovan hasn't heard of Rex Grossman, Charlie Frye, Eli Manning, Jake Plummer, Chad Pennington or Trent Green. They get booed quite a bit.

Alright, a couple of notes:

1. This will be a weekly column.
2. No, this won't be the only column each week, still working on getting to 3-5 a week, and I will have a new one up tomorrow.

NFL Week 1 - What We Know

Alright, Week 1 of the NFL is now in the books, it is time to take a look at what we have learned:

Apparently Vincent Jackson Doesn't Strike Fear In Opposing Defense

Even though the Chargers won 14-3, Star running back LaDainian Tomlinson was held to 25 yards rushing. I think this was mainly in part to Chicago employing their version of the 9-2 defense where they stacked 9 men on the line of scrimmage and put 2 players on Antonio Gates. Unfortunately, the Bears decided to have one of the players assigned to cover Gates be the punter, so he was able to amass 100+ yards receiving and a TD.

Holy Crap, I Haven’t Seen Peyton Manning on TV in Almost 12 Minutes. Does that mean I am dead?

Seriously, who freaking decided that Peyton Manning should be in our homes more often then we are? You can’t have one break in the action without his mug being shoved down your throat. Actually, someone shoving a mug down Peyton’s throat, now that I would watch, even on Pay-Per-View. Instead we are subjected to his dorky face yelling at movers and stopping a play to tell us about Direct TV. Arrrgh! If there was a vote on this that I missed, please tell me, because I would have voted for her instead to be in all of these commercials. Heck, I would have voted for this before Peyton.

Bill Belichick Spells Genius with a “J”

The Jenius has been caught spying. How smart can he be if he needs to spy on the Jets defensive signals? After watching the Jets play defense, I am pretty sure they don’t have any schemes other than maybe “Run around like a crazed New York cabbie”. This soils everything like a date with Najeh Davenport. Let’s put an asterisk on everything. Their Super Bowl titles – asterisk. Tom Brady’s baby – asterisk. Bill’s homeless hoodie – asterisk. Rodney Harrison’s needle collection – asterisk.

Vikings Defense Considered Offense

The Vikings were penalized 15 yards on Sunday for too many men on the field during Adrian Peterson’s 60 yard TD run. In what amounted to mass confusion, the Vikings defensive starters were milling about on the sidelines when they heard a roar from the crowd and saw a purple helmet running towards the goal line. Each of them had the same thought “Holy Crap! I didn't realize we were on defense already, I have to get out there! Ohhh, coach is going to be so mad”

Eli Manning’s Education Not Put to Waste

Obviously Eli Manning didn't learn much about quarterbacking in college but he didn't completely waste his time in college. You have to have plenty of smarts to know when the exact moment you should fake an injury. I am pretty sure he was going “Wow, I have 4 TD’s and only 1 Interception. Things are going to turn around fast and I will probably throw 6 interceptions in the next 2 minutes. Since I suck and all. What is an injury I can fake while just jogging to the sideline. Oh I know, separated shoulder!”

Romeo Crennel Thinks 2nd Chances are for Suckers

After naming Charlie Frye as his starting QB, watching him suck, pulling him for Loni Anderson and then trading Frye, all in the matter of 3 days. I think the only thing he gives a 2nd chance is the buffet, and a 3rd, and an 8th, and so on. Lets hope he applies the same treatment to Brady Quinn when he does his first Glamour cover and makes him stop wearing make-up to practice.

Alright, more later...

Fantasy Football NFC West Preview

Alright, this is the last of 8 installments breaking each team’s fantasy sleepers, busts and a former player/fantasy stud that they wish they still had and you wish was still playing. We will now move onto the NFC South:

Arizona Cardinals: Everyone seems to think that this is Arizona’s year and they are destined to make the playoffs for the first time since 1922. The only thing I am sure of is that the post game press conferences will be less entertaining now that they have a coach who doesn't have such a loose interpretation of the English language.

Sleeper: Matt Leinart – Oh wait, Sleeper, I thought this said sleeps with half of the local campus and cheerleaders.

Bust: Kurt Warner – This former league MVP decision making skills have diminished as he still chooses to sleep with this. I can understand when you’re an Arena League QB that this might be considered some sweet tail, but once you graduate to the NFL, its time to upgrade to maybe something like this.

Former Player: Jake “Pornstache” Plummer – The prototypical Arizona QB. Throws interceptions at an alarming rate – check. Ability to run for his life due to an Arizona offensive line made up of mostly recruits from Fat Camp – check. Looks and/or is homeless – check.

Cheerleaders

St Louis Rams: They used to make fun of the Rams for having the only woman owner. But she acquired the team like most other female owners have since I believe, by marrying the current owner and somehow have him end up dying mysteriously aka killing him.

Sleeper: Leonard Little – I just put him on here just in case he happens to go out to the bars in my town this year and then get behind the wheel. I think karma is as good as any other reason to pick a sleeper, even if he doesn't play a position that most fantasy leagues draft.

Bust: Isaac Bruce – You can tell a player is starting to get a little old when they have a Jheri-curl combover, played for the Rams when they were still in LA, and is nicknamed “The Reverend”. But on a more positive note, he does have his own Blog, so unlike most old people he has figured out this Internet thing.

Former Player: Elroy “Crazy Legs” Hirsh – There are worse nicknames that someone named Elroy could have than Crazy Legs, like actually being called by your first name.

Nummy

San Francisco 49ers: The Chicago Bears once had the famous song “The Super Bowl Shuffle” and in response the 49ers put out their own version called “We’re the 49ers”. It was a huge hit in the SF area when it re-made and released as a single by Boy George, George Michael and Senator Larry Craig.

Sleeper: Vernon Davis – I believe the University of Miami created major’s just for the football players as Vernon was an Art Studio Major, not an Art Major, but an Art Studio Major. So you don’t actually have to create an art, basically just be able to find where the art studio is. I am guessing it took most of the team their full 4 years to find it. It obviously didn't help him with this

Bust: Ashley Lelie – May have the best website by a monumental bust in the history of the NFL. I wonder if there is an award for that. If not, it should be called the Ashley Lelie Award.

Former Player: Jerry Rice – Even though he holds every receiving record known to man and is widely regarded as the best WR ever, his life won’t be considered a success since he was unable to win the one award he most coveted: Dancing with the Stars champion. Well he could come back to the Niners and have Ashley Lelie be his partner since she is a chick and all.

Cheerleaders

Seattle Seahawks: Not sure what to say about the Seahawks, so i will just say Jim Zorn. Go ahead and say it, its kinda fun. Also, you know the team hasn't been around that long when Brock Huard is in your record books.

Sleeper: Matt Hasselback - Now i am going against my better judgement hear, seeing that he has a brother who is married to a girl who is on The View and was on Survivor, two of the greatest evils going on today. I think he might, just might, be able to break George Blanda's record of oldest looking player in the NFL.

Bust: Shaun Alexander - Can't really trust a liar. He claims both he and his wife were virgins when they married. Yeah right. An NFL player a virgin is like saying I really want Brady Quinn as my QB. And obviously marriage has changed them as in the year after they got married they posed for SI's Swimsuit Edition, which was the least selling Swimsuit Edition ever since it contained dudes and well virgins.

Former Player: Brian Bosworth - Two things i take from this link is one, look at that lineup of talent that this agency supports, with talent like Angus Hamilton, Archie Manning, and MaryLou Retton, this talent agency must be pulling in a cool 6-7 dollars a year. And two, you can hire him for speaking engagements? What is the topic: "How to be a complete A-hole and throw away your career". Yeah sign me up.

Umm, i am thinking Seattle is taking this Ichiro popularity a little too far

Alright, back with regular stories this week...

Fantasy Football NFC South Preview

Alright, this is post #7 on my Fantasy Football preview as we move to the NFC South. I will break down each teams fantasy sleeper, bust, and a former player that the team/you wish they still had. So here is the NFC South... (As always links are in blue (as they are for most sites everywhere), I know everyone knows that, but i am guessing some of my readers might keep on clicking on the orange highlighted ones and next thing they know it is Wednesday). Also since the season has officially started the last two division will be quicker posts.

Atlanta Falcons: This is the team that beat my Vikings after our 15-1 season where Randy Moss wasn't a complete jackass, well at least for the last half of the game in week 7 until the start of the week 8 game. Anyways, the Falcons came up with the "Dirty Bird". I don't know if that is in reference to the actual bird - The Falcon or Michael Vick's favorite expression to fans.

Sleeper: Joe Harrington - I can't refer to a football player as Joey since one of the New Kids on the Block was named Joey, even though Harrington may have been a bigger wuss than him. Could you imagine of Joe DiMaggio had been named Joey instead of Joe? I can't either. Either way Harrington, even on crappy teams completed more passes than Vick and that can't be a bad thing.

Bust: Michael Vick - Not sure he is going to be any good this year since he hasn't even taken a snap during the preseason, not a good sign for your starting QB in fantasy. Also, he already said he needed to take the week of December 10th off for "personal reasons" and that is right during most fantasy playoffs.

Former Player: Andre Rison - Basically because you need this on your team.

Carolina Panthers: Maybe my favorite team other than the Vikings, if only for this reason.

Sleeper: Dwayne Jarrett - A star WR at USC, could provide a complement to Steve Smith this season. He was ineligible for a short period of time due to an inappropriate living arrangement with Matt Leinhart. I guess the NFL has a Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy too.

Bust: David Carr - Brought in to challenge Jake Delhomme for the starting job but this guy has spent more time on his back the past 5 years than Paris Hilton at a Guy's With Frosted and Spiky Hair Convention.

Former Player: Rae Carruth - Was nicknamed "Da Troof" Well the Troof is, your next chance at the NFL is in 2018 and if Al Davis is still alive, you might have a chance to revive your career. So if you can trade for a 2018 draft pick now, you might want to in your league.

Cheerleaders

New Orleans Saints: This is the teams whose fans wore bags over their heads. Well as it turns out it was just the women and it was common practice.

Sleeper: Deuce McAllister - Everyone thinks Reggie Bush is going to be the guy this year, but Deuce is still around and wouldn't you want your RB to own a dealership that sells a car like this.

Bust: Reggie Bush - Really this guy is going to be awesome, I'll admit, I just like saying Bush. (because of the band you perverts)

Former Player: Archie Manning - Not to help your team, but to completely disgrace is because you are a complete a-hole. Not only did he ruin the Saints during his career for personal gain, but he decided it wasn't enough as at the end of his career he decided to rack up a 6-35 record for the Oilers and Vikings. Hmmm, any of these teams think it is maybe the QB's fault?

Lets finish the Saints on a happy note

Tampa Bay: This is a team that started 0-26 or as i like to call it "My High School Years"

Sleeper: Jeff Garcia - Who would you rather have as your starting QB: A guy who married a Playboy Model or a guy who has Phil Simms as his father?

Bust: Jeremy Stevens - His stats as a pro: several dropped passes, stomping on a 17-year old face, marijuana, crashing is car into a nursing home, DUI, sexual assault, vomiting on doors of his condo, used condoms left on back porch of his condo and loud parties that i am sure condoms and vomit were involved.

Former Player: Doug Williams - Only because he got asked the best question ever: "How long have you been a black QB?"

Cheerleaders

Alright, the last of the previews will come soon and also a review of the broadcast of the first game of the year by NBC.

Fantasy Football NFC North Preview

Alright, this is post #6 on my Fantasy Football preview as we move to the NFC East. I will break down each teams fantasy sleeper, bust, and a former player that the team/you wish they still had. So here is the NFC North... (As always links are in blue (as they are for most sites everywhere), I know everyone knows that, but i am guessing some of my readers might keep on clicking on the orange highlighted ones and next thing they know it is Wednesday)

Chicago Bears: This organization is famous for Walter Payton and Mike Ditka and....hmmm...The Super Bowl Shuffle. Now they are more know for their Super Quarterback Fumble. But seriously it is always good to see this. I am sorry but Gary Fencik doesn't look like a hard hitting safety and Otis Wilson doesn't look like a mean linebacker but Jim McMahon does look like his normal self, a total douchebag.

Sleeper: Greg Olsen - He is there rookie TE. He was a member of the famed 7th Floor Crew. He made up some music, sorry, not music but rap that demeaned women just a little bit. So, he obviously has some street cred mojo on his side, but on the downside, his nickname was G-Reg.

Bust: Adrian Peterson - Everyone know there is going to be some doofus who drafts this guy thinking he it the Viking rookie. Chances are this one performs more like Adrian from Rocky than Adrian from...ummm...Barbeau. At least her breasts could gain an extra yard.

Former Player: Dick Butkus - Anyone who's name could be changed to Penis AssSmooch is golden in my book. Also, he is a great decision maker. Look at his post football career: My Two Dads, Hang Time, XFL Coach, WrestleMania Referee, and appeared in a scene in Murder She Wrote in the locker room in only a towel. That particular scene holds the record for turning women to lesbianism than any other moment in history other than Danny DeVito with his shirt off.


Detroit Lions: This franchise has a history for losing. First with their record. Then with their stadium. Then with their uniforms. And then with their policy of hiring of the mentally challenged to run their organization.

Sleeper: Mike Furrey - Has went from the XFL to NFL stardom, well if stardom means obscurity on the Lions and homelessness.

Bust: Matt Millen - Now only a few of you are going to draft him, well because your not real bright. Can you imagine what his fantasy football team looks like? I am guessing he took Michael Vick with his first round pick

Former Player: Barry Sanders - The greatest running back ever. N'uff said.

Cheerleaders

Green Bay Packers: This is the only team owned by guys with a higher cholesterol rating than the weight of a block of cheese they eat for dinner.

Sleeper: Aaron Rodgers - He was coached by the legendary Jeff Tedford who has produced such legendary 1st round QB's as Akili Smith, Trent Dilfer, Joey Harrington, David Carr & Kyle Boller. How can he not succeed as a backup quarterback.

Bust: Brett Favre - Don't mind that he throws 18 interceptions for each TD, but can you imagine his stats if he had waited things out in Atlanta, and with the Michael Vick plea, had an opportunity to start for a team that well, has no receivers?

Former Player: Sterling Sharpe - Cause, Sterling Sharpe thinks that Sterling Sharpe is the greatest receiver ever. Sterling also believes that only stats acquired by Sterling Sharpe should be counted in fantasy football.

Cheerleaders

Minnesota Vikings: My hometown team, i never thought i would utter the words "I kinda miss Randy Moss" in my lifetime. But i can be pretty confident that i will never utter the words to an opposing fan "Yeah, but we have Jackson as are starting QB, so you are in trouble", unless the game is "Scouting Kids" and by QB's first name is Michael

Sleeper: MeWelde Moore - Everyone is concentrating on Chester Taylor and Adrian Peterson. But don't forget about the guy that helped mastermind the "Love Boat" cruise. There is a very good chance that Moore hires a couple transsexual hookers, tells Taylor and Peterson that there a two of the hottest girls ever and they want to sleep with them, and then send both of them to Roger Goodell's home address.

Bust: Tarvaris Jackson - If you draft him, you need more help than i can give you.

Former Player: Tommy Kramer - Not only do they not have a QB but his nickname during his playing days was "Two Minute Tommy", which might be the longest the Vikings have the ball in their possession this year.

Cheerleaders

OK, we finish it up the week with the south and the west.