NFL Week 1 - What We Know

Alright, Week 1 of the NFL is now in the books, it is time to take a look at what we have learned:

Apparently Vincent Jackson Doesn't Strike Fear In Opposing Defense

Even though the Chargers won 14-3, Star running back LaDainian Tomlinson was held to 25 yards rushing. I think this was mainly in part to Chicago employing their version of the 9-2 defense where they stacked 9 men on the line of scrimmage and put 2 players on Antonio Gates. Unfortunately, the Bears decided to have one of the players assigned to cover Gates be the punter, so he was able to amass 100+ yards receiving and a TD.

Holy Crap, I Haven’t Seen Peyton Manning on TV in Almost 12 Minutes. Does that mean I am dead?

Seriously, who freaking decided that Peyton Manning should be in our homes more often then we are? You can’t have one break in the action without his mug being shoved down your throat. Actually, someone shoving a mug down Peyton’s throat, now that I would watch, even on Pay-Per-View. Instead we are subjected to his dorky face yelling at movers and stopping a play to tell us about Direct TV. Arrrgh! If there was a vote on this that I missed, please tell me, because I would have voted for her instead to be in all of these commercials. Heck, I would have voted for this before Peyton.

Bill Belichick Spells Genius with a “J”

The Jenius has been caught spying. How smart can he be if he needs to spy on the Jets defensive signals? After watching the Jets play defense, I am pretty sure they don’t have any schemes other than maybe “Run around like a crazed New York cabbie”. This soils everything like a date with Najeh Davenport. Let’s put an asterisk on everything. Their Super Bowl titles – asterisk. Tom Brady’s baby – asterisk. Bill’s homeless hoodie – asterisk. Rodney Harrison’s needle collection – asterisk.

Vikings Defense Considered Offense

The Vikings were penalized 15 yards on Sunday for too many men on the field during Adrian Peterson’s 60 yard TD run. In what amounted to mass confusion, the Vikings defensive starters were milling about on the sidelines when they heard a roar from the crowd and saw a purple helmet running towards the goal line. Each of them had the same thought “Holy Crap! I didn't realize we were on defense already, I have to get out there! Ohhh, coach is going to be so mad”

Eli Manning’s Education Not Put to Waste

Obviously Eli Manning didn't learn much about quarterbacking in college but he didn't completely waste his time in college. You have to have plenty of smarts to know when the exact moment you should fake an injury. I am pretty sure he was going “Wow, I have 4 TD’s and only 1 Interception. Things are going to turn around fast and I will probably throw 6 interceptions in the next 2 minutes. Since I suck and all. What is an injury I can fake while just jogging to the sideline. Oh I know, separated shoulder!”

Romeo Crennel Thinks 2nd Chances are for Suckers

After naming Charlie Frye as his starting QB, watching him suck, pulling him for Loni Anderson and then trading Frye, all in the matter of 3 days. I think the only thing he gives a 2nd chance is the buffet, and a 3rd, and an 8th, and so on. Lets hope he applies the same treatment to Brady Quinn when he does his first Glamour cover and makes him stop wearing make-up to practice.

Alright, more later...