NFL Week 3 - What We Know

Alright, Week 3 of the NFL is now in the books, it is time to take a look at what we have learned:

This New GB QB Isn't Half Bad

I am not sure who GB got this off season to be their starting QB but he has them off to a 3-0 start and is looking good. All I know is it can’t be the guy from last two years who littered the sky with interceptions. I know the guy they had last year had at least 46 news conferences during the off season to announce his retirement, he had to retire during one of them didn't he?

Raiders Win First Game Since 1996

The Oakland Raiders won their first game this decade after they were able to wake up a passed-out Sebastian Janikowski for a 4th quarter FG that ended up being the difference in the final score. Said new Coach Lane Kiffin, “From what I hear, he is normally smashed by the 2nd quarter, but by then we are usually so far out of the game that we don’t need him. So basically we just assign a rookie to him to keep him from putting any Ecstasy in the cheerleader’s water bottles. Actually, we don’t even wake him up after the game and just let the grounds crew deal with giving him a ride home.” Since this was a close game, the Raiders were lucky Janikowski was able to convert on 2 short 2nd quarter field goals, even though he was completely tanked. The first one, a 22yd attempt, bounced off both uprights causing Janikowski to fall down trying to keep track of the ball and the second one ricocheted off of the long snappers head and through the uprights causing him to giggle uncontrollably until halftime.

God Must Like Kitna Better than Warner

It was revealed last week that a higher power really likes Jon Kitna as his concussion was healed and he was able to finish the game and beat the Vikings, though I am pretty sure a drunken llama could have played QB and beaten the Vikings. This week he or she was at work again as he or she turned Kurt Warner back into a serviceable NFL QB, which could only be a miracle. But, in the end, the Cardinals ended up losing the game, so Warner must not be liked that much. It could possibly be that the higher power is not exactly happy with Mr. Warner’s gay marriage to his partner Brenda.

OK, a condensed version this week due to yesterday's issues but trust me the storylines that were in the original post that didn't make this version will be used later and possibly still relevent, hopefully another column tomorrow...and then we will have a full version recap of week 4 next week.