Hey, i might be going worldwide with this blog. On my last post i received a post that i believe was in Portuguese and probably berated my use of the word OK (but i am going with that he loved the post and offered me a job in Portugal...see ya suckers). Alright, i have the latest on the Kobe dilemma, so here is a day in his life:
8:00am: Wakes up, hops online and Googles his own name, doesn't read any of the articles just checks to see how many other people read them, send off angry emails to all online sites that don't have at least 1,000 people reading about him.
11:00am: That took awhile, buys his wife a new Lexus as she doesn't have one newer than 2 weeks old to use on Saturday's to make up for the time spent away from her online.
11:30am: Goes to the grocery store, demands that the cashier trades him the prime steaks the guy in aisle 6 has for his two peanuts he has.
1:00pm: Heads to the car dealership trades in his Hummer for a Hummer2.
1:04pm: Drives around the block, decides he doesn't like the deal and wants to "stay" with his original Hummer as long as they give him a second one to play with.
2:00pm: Receives a text from Jerry Buss, the owner of the Laker's, with the message "I just traded U 2 Denver, LOL" Assumes he is at the bar.
4:00pm: Returns home, cries and screams and throws a hissy fit when the maid gave him Kix cereal for dinner when he wanted Fruity Pebbles.
4:17pm: Maid pours him a bowl of Fruity Pebbles while muttering "Little baby always gets his way"
4:18pm: Maid is been called in missing to local authorities.
6:00pm: Calls KG, says "Hey man, don't you want to play with me, i am the best" KG replies, "No, i would actually like to go to a team where i get the ball every once in awhile, other than rebounding your ill-advised missed shots"
8:00pm: Settles down for some Cartoon Network.
9:30pm: Lays down with his Dora the Explorer doll and cries himself to sleep as he is so misunderstood. Wife mutters, "Man, if he didn't have this money, I would be so outta here"
11:43pm: Call from Jerry Buss, "Ived meded as treeed, yous fur Kwaname Brewn, i's thinks its a greeet tred. At leeest in my's heed.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Headlines - 6/20/07
Time for another Headlines column, as i know it is popular in Indonesia and the Cayman Islands. Just starting to get back into this after the wedding and honeymoon, hey, at least i am not writing about hugs and bunnies and stuff like that. So here it is:
And The Golfer goes Wie Wie Wie All The Way Home:
Michele Wie has decided to skip the men's John Deere Classic tourney due to the fact she is shooting somewhere in the 80's on the Women's tour and is afraid of deer, i mean a wrist injury. You know what would have been awesome, if she tried to qualify for the US Open this year again and made it, then shot a record 168 over par for two rounds, hey, she got to play with the men and set a record...not bad...
Twins find solution to their hitting woes:
In Interleague Play last night, not only did Johan Santana throw a complete game shutout, he laced a double down the right field line. The only issue is that he ran like Barry Bonds during a groundo...well during any play. He could have easily had a triple and tied Matt LeCroy for most unlikely Twin to get a triple ever.
Pacman...uggghhh:
OK, he got his sentence from the NFL, he could be reinstated after week 10 and still probably make $300k for the year for 6 weeks for work, as long as he stays on the straight and narrow (and by that i don't mean fired shots). So what is his thought process. "Maybe i will call up my posse, head to the strip club for just a few hours, i miss the strip club, that was a one time incident and i got away with it, whoa another patron is looking at a girl in a strip club, lets go posse, scare him a little bit, dont knock over his walker, i don't want the girls to see me as insensative as i beat this guy for looking at girls in a strip club" So a day passes and felony charges from Vegas and questioning from police in this shooting incident. If someone offered me 300k to stay away from strip clubs until November, i think i would take it (at least i could sneak in during the day cause all the bad stuff seems to happen after midnight)
"Athlete Crimes" Next On Geraldo...(shots fired at Geraldo)....Crowd Cheers:
- The Bengals Quincy Wilson was arrested for disorderly conduct at a wedding, you have to give him some slack for not being at a strip club for his crimes, he is basically a Special Teams player and doesn't know any better.
- Meanwhile, Ronnie Wilson, a redshirt freshman for the National Champion Florida Gators, has decided he wants to play for the Bengals by spitting on someone in a nightclub and then running to his car and firing a shotgun into the air, Bengal Coach Marvin Lewis has already sent 2 scouts to track his progress next year and plans to send up to 15 interns to Gainesville after each home game win to each strip club within 15 miles.
- David Lighty, a B-Ball player for OH State, pleaded guilty for shooting a jogger with a BB Gun, I would say, he needs to work his way up to the big leagues, but really, who hasn't shot a jogger with a BB Gun? With their too tight upper outfit (or completely unnecessary topless attire), biker shorts or short shorts, fanny pack and socks up to the knees, i am surprised they aren't shot at, pelted with fruit, or arrested by police for indecent exposure. It would be best for all of us.
Schilling Can't Handle Two Jobs:
The Red Sox have placed Curt Schilling on the 15-day Disabled List so he has more time to Blog. The Red Sox understand that the sometimes the $14 million they are paying a player sometimes isn't as lucrative at the $0 he receives from spewing his crap on his self-promoting site.
Two NBA "Stars" Want To Play Against 4th Graders:
It has been reported that both Kobe WhyPass and KG would both like to be traded to the weaker Eastern Conference. I guess they think that if Cleveland can get to the finals with one NBA ready player (Daniel Gibson), that they can get there too and lose 4-0 to the West. I think the best situation would be Kobe going to the Bucks. One, cause he could hang on Sprewell's boat and Two cause the effort from all the players on the Bucks looking to get out of there not letting him touch the ball, i could see a wrestling/traveling call once a game. KG could go anywhere and they would be a contender in the East, and with McHale running the show he will probably trade him to Detroit for Flip Saunders.
OK, some other stuff with quick notes:
- Gruden looking at the rotating 7 QB offense with the rotation starting over again after an interception. If Jake Plummer signs i don't expect #4-7 to ever get a pass.
- Dick Butkis will be the coach of the Sacramento Kings in 3 years. The Kings new coach was replaced by Butkis on a TV show (if you can call it that on Saturday Morning, where they probably place the TV writers who have been in the industry for 40 years and have lost their touch and say stuff like, "Hey, a pie in the face would be funny, who wet my pants, i like fences, you know what would be funny, a pie in the face")
- Cub must have a series against the Padres soon: The Cubs traded Michael Barrett (aka, pitcher beater) to the Padres. Could be a good move if the Cubs play the Padres in the next month where he is able to fight at least 3 of their pitchers and get them suspended.
Alright, that is the headlines...more soon....
And The Golfer goes Wie Wie Wie All The Way Home:
Michele Wie has decided to skip the men's John Deere Classic tourney due to the fact she is shooting somewhere in the 80's on the Women's tour and is afraid of deer, i mean a wrist injury. You know what would have been awesome, if she tried to qualify for the US Open this year again and made it, then shot a record 168 over par for two rounds, hey, she got to play with the men and set a record...not bad...
Twins find solution to their hitting woes:
In Interleague Play last night, not only did Johan Santana throw a complete game shutout, he laced a double down the right field line. The only issue is that he ran like Barry Bonds during a groundo...well during any play. He could have easily had a triple and tied Matt LeCroy for most unlikely Twin to get a triple ever.
Pacman...uggghhh:
OK, he got his sentence from the NFL, he could be reinstated after week 10 and still probably make $300k for the year for 6 weeks for work, as long as he stays on the straight and narrow (and by that i don't mean fired shots). So what is his thought process. "Maybe i will call up my posse, head to the strip club for just a few hours, i miss the strip club, that was a one time incident and i got away with it, whoa another patron is looking at a girl in a strip club, lets go posse, scare him a little bit, dont knock over his walker, i don't want the girls to see me as insensative as i beat this guy for looking at girls in a strip club" So a day passes and felony charges from Vegas and questioning from police in this shooting incident. If someone offered me 300k to stay away from strip clubs until November, i think i would take it (at least i could sneak in during the day cause all the bad stuff seems to happen after midnight)
"Athlete Crimes" Next On Geraldo...(shots fired at Geraldo)....Crowd Cheers:
- The Bengals Quincy Wilson was arrested for disorderly conduct at a wedding, you have to give him some slack for not being at a strip club for his crimes, he is basically a Special Teams player and doesn't know any better.
- Meanwhile, Ronnie Wilson, a redshirt freshman for the National Champion Florida Gators, has decided he wants to play for the Bengals by spitting on someone in a nightclub and then running to his car and firing a shotgun into the air, Bengal Coach Marvin Lewis has already sent 2 scouts to track his progress next year and plans to send up to 15 interns to Gainesville after each home game win to each strip club within 15 miles.
- David Lighty, a B-Ball player for OH State, pleaded guilty for shooting a jogger with a BB Gun, I would say, he needs to work his way up to the big leagues, but really, who hasn't shot a jogger with a BB Gun? With their too tight upper outfit (or completely unnecessary topless attire), biker shorts or short shorts, fanny pack and socks up to the knees, i am surprised they aren't shot at, pelted with fruit, or arrested by police for indecent exposure. It would be best for all of us.
Schilling Can't Handle Two Jobs:
The Red Sox have placed Curt Schilling on the 15-day Disabled List so he has more time to Blog. The Red Sox understand that the sometimes the $14 million they are paying a player sometimes isn't as lucrative at the $0 he receives from spewing his crap on his self-promoting site.
Two NBA "Stars" Want To Play Against 4th Graders:
It has been reported that both Kobe WhyPass and KG would both like to be traded to the weaker Eastern Conference. I guess they think that if Cleveland can get to the finals with one NBA ready player (Daniel Gibson), that they can get there too and lose 4-0 to the West. I think the best situation would be Kobe going to the Bucks. One, cause he could hang on Sprewell's boat and Two cause the effort from all the players on the Bucks looking to get out of there not letting him touch the ball, i could see a wrestling/traveling call once a game. KG could go anywhere and they would be a contender in the East, and with McHale running the show he will probably trade him to Detroit for Flip Saunders.
OK, some other stuff with quick notes:
- Gruden looking at the rotating 7 QB offense with the rotation starting over again after an interception. If Jake Plummer signs i don't expect #4-7 to ever get a pass.
- Dick Butkis will be the coach of the Sacramento Kings in 3 years. The Kings new coach was replaced by Butkis on a TV show (if you can call it that on Saturday Morning, where they probably place the TV writers who have been in the industry for 40 years and have lost their touch and say stuff like, "Hey, a pie in the face would be funny, who wet my pants, i like fences, you know what would be funny, a pie in the face")
- Cub must have a series against the Padres soon: The Cubs traded Michael Barrett (aka, pitcher beater) to the Padres. Could be a good move if the Cubs play the Padres in the next month where he is able to fight at least 3 of their pitchers and get them suspended.
Alright, that is the headlines...more soon....
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Blogging To The US Open Live - 3:30
Alright, back. Some highlights from the last half hour.
1. Does David Toms only wear horizontal striped shirts? At Christmas, if his children get him a vertically striped one, does he go into a huge fit of rage, cursing and screaming while downing a bottle of Jack and then throws it against the wall as he storms upstairs? At least that is what i envision.
2. I love it when announcers try to pronounce foreign names. Currently the announcers are all over Angel Cabrera and calling him "An Hell". I think they really love doing this cause normally its only Tiger and Phil that they use the first name, but the second they get a foreign player with an interesting name, they join the group.
3:36 - A leader board of Cabrera, Falsth, Casey and Watson. I am sure the network executives are not returning phone calls from the boss.
3:42 - Does anyone else see the similarities between David Feherity and the Burger King King? Have they ever been seen together? Time to get the Mystery Machine gang back together.
3:49 - Oh good, they are now recapping the early part of Tiger's round for everyone. I guess seeing everyone of his shots is really not enough for some people. They really need to just get him his own station, and people who just want to watch him can and the rest of us can watch the other golfer and some of his shots.
3:51 - And after Tiger's recap, back to live action and Tiger's next shot. So in the last 5 minutes i have seen commercials, Tiger and a brawl between the Cubs and the Padres where Derrick Lee of the Cubs pulled a Carmelo Anthony, only he didn't connect before he retreated. I think we need to rename this phrase now from Pulled a Carmelo to Pulled a Derrick, since Derrick didn't connect.
3:54 - I like it when announcers say "easy putt" even though it is from 20 ft and it is the US Open. Someone needs to shake their tower, they are getting a little too comfortable up there.
OK, not sure if i will be back with a 4:30 post but will tomorrow.
Final Totals on Tiger:
"You the Man" - 4
"Get in the Hole" - 8 (including one after his putt had stopped, way to pay attention)
1. Does David Toms only wear horizontal striped shirts? At Christmas, if his children get him a vertically striped one, does he go into a huge fit of rage, cursing and screaming while downing a bottle of Jack and then throws it against the wall as he storms upstairs? At least that is what i envision.
2. I love it when announcers try to pronounce foreign names. Currently the announcers are all over Angel Cabrera and calling him "An Hell". I think they really love doing this cause normally its only Tiger and Phil that they use the first name, but the second they get a foreign player with an interesting name, they join the group.
3:36 - A leader board of Cabrera, Falsth, Casey and Watson. I am sure the network executives are not returning phone calls from the boss.
3:42 - Does anyone else see the similarities between David Feherity and the Burger King King? Have they ever been seen together? Time to get the Mystery Machine gang back together.
3:49 - Oh good, they are now recapping the early part of Tiger's round for everyone. I guess seeing everyone of his shots is really not enough for some people. They really need to just get him his own station, and people who just want to watch him can and the rest of us can watch the other golfer and some of his shots.
3:51 - And after Tiger's recap, back to live action and Tiger's next shot. So in the last 5 minutes i have seen commercials, Tiger and a brawl between the Cubs and the Padres where Derrick Lee of the Cubs pulled a Carmelo Anthony, only he didn't connect before he retreated. I think we need to rename this phrase now from Pulled a Carmelo to Pulled a Derrick, since Derrick didn't connect.
3:54 - I like it when announcers say "easy putt" even though it is from 20 ft and it is the US Open. Someone needs to shake their tower, they are getting a little too comfortable up there.
OK, not sure if i will be back with a 4:30 post but will tomorrow.
Final Totals on Tiger:
"You the Man" - 4
"Get in the Hole" - 8 (including one after his putt had stopped, way to pay attention)
Bloggin to the US Open - Live - 2:30
I am going to give this a try, a little live blogging with the US Open. All times are Central Time (HA, you eastern time zone folks, you figure out the conversion for once. Alright here we go:
2:30 - An Interview with Ernie Els and he is wearing a hat that says "SAP". I guess that's the hat they give to people who shoot 7 over for the day. I think if you finish 15 over or more for the day you get a hat that says "I polish Tigers shoes"
2:35 - Our leaders are named Angel and Bubba. If you called me up and i said i was watching sports on TV and then you asked who is leading and i said Angel and Bubba, i am guessing your first instinct wouldn't be that i was watching golf. My guess is you would think i was watching boxing or you believe that i think prison porn is a sport
2:37 - By the way i will be keeping a running total for Tiger's comments from the gallery between "You the Man" and "Get In The Hole" by the morons that yell that stuff, especially the second one when he is on a tee box for a par 5, way to understand your golf pal. My guess is that the phrase "Tiger, when is my baby due" will probably not be yelled, though it should.
2:40 - Golf does has some double meaning phrases that could be taken from a late night cable movie, i may keep track of these this afternoon too, like the one the announcer just said "Just a quarter of a stroke harder"
2:44 - Question: How come the caddies get to wear shorts but the players don't? My guess is there is a little know rule called the "John Daly might wear Short Shorts rule". Way to ruin it for the rest of them John.
2:48 - The first view of the 288 yd Par 3 or as i like to call it "Driver, 3 Wood, 3 putt for Double"
2:49 - Another question: Do they only play ads for golf equipment during broadcasts of tourney's? I would think that the watchers of the View would also be interested.
2:51 - Bubba just hit a 370 yd drive off the tee. Of course it was just off the fairway, C'mon Bubba.
2:53 - Is it required of all announcers to stare at the other announcer lovingly while they talk during a live shot? Its really creepy.
2:54 - Whoa, i think we may be able to declare i winner. 3 "Get in the Hole" comments during one Tiger putt.
2:55 - Johhny Miller really likes saying the word "Fescue". Its some sort of grass and it makes him sound like he has an IQ over my handicap, which is really difficult.
2:57 - Tiger must have all the connections. I think he is wearing Clark Griswold's shoes from the movie "Vacation"
OK, gonna take a little break, i will start another one around 3:30
2:30 - An Interview with Ernie Els and he is wearing a hat that says "SAP". I guess that's the hat they give to people who shoot 7 over for the day. I think if you finish 15 over or more for the day you get a hat that says "I polish Tigers shoes"
2:35 - Our leaders are named Angel and Bubba. If you called me up and i said i was watching sports on TV and then you asked who is leading and i said Angel and Bubba, i am guessing your first instinct wouldn't be that i was watching golf. My guess is you would think i was watching boxing or you believe that i think prison porn is a sport
2:37 - By the way i will be keeping a running total for Tiger's comments from the gallery between "You the Man" and "Get In The Hole" by the morons that yell that stuff, especially the second one when he is on a tee box for a par 5, way to understand your golf pal. My guess is that the phrase "Tiger, when is my baby due" will probably not be yelled, though it should.
2:40 - Golf does has some double meaning phrases that could be taken from a late night cable movie, i may keep track of these this afternoon too, like the one the announcer just said "Just a quarter of a stroke harder"
2:44 - Question: How come the caddies get to wear shorts but the players don't? My guess is there is a little know rule called the "John Daly might wear Short Shorts rule". Way to ruin it for the rest of them John.
2:48 - The first view of the 288 yd Par 3 or as i like to call it "Driver, 3 Wood, 3 putt for Double"
2:49 - Another question: Do they only play ads for golf equipment during broadcasts of tourney's? I would think that the watchers of the View would also be interested.
2:51 - Bubba just hit a 370 yd drive off the tee. Of course it was just off the fairway, C'mon Bubba.
2:53 - Is it required of all announcers to stare at the other announcer lovingly while they talk during a live shot? Its really creepy.
2:54 - Whoa, i think we may be able to declare i winner. 3 "Get in the Hole" comments during one Tiger putt.
2:55 - Johhny Miller really likes saying the word "Fescue". Its some sort of grass and it makes him sound like he has an IQ over my handicap, which is really difficult.
2:57 - Tiger must have all the connections. I think he is wearing Clark Griswold's shoes from the movie "Vacation"
OK, gonna take a little break, i will start another one around 3:30
Monday, June 11, 2007
Back In Action With A Few Notes
Alright, I am back from the honeymoon and ready to start up again. We will ease back into it with just a few notes as i am recovering from the jet lag of switching 0 time zones and flying in last Friday.
Falcons would like stupider fans:
The Falcon organization is asking for patience from the fans (ie. Season Ticket Holders) regarding the Michael Vick situation. My guess is that they would like the fans not to rush to judgement until Vick commits more favorable crimes than the dog fighting, such as, ripping the tags off his mattress, stealing an old ladies seat on the bus or running a prostitution ring (he does have experience in running something that involves a ring??)
The Vick PR machine only works in reverse
Normally i don't post two things about one player, but c'mon. It is now claimed that Vick has cancelled his football camp. So lets see his thinking, i need a push in popularity, these kids really have only been waiting a year to attend, they will understand a written letter of apology stating "scheduling conflicts" (ie. Dogfighting Championships in Butte, MT happen to fall on the same weekend.) Good call Mr Vick, Good Call.
Culpepper can't find his baby bottle
Culpepper is whining again. After taking his suggestion from his agent not to be a distraction, he issued a statement to all media outlets available (somehow i didn't get a copy, which is BS), stating he wants the NFLPA to become involved so he can get his release from the Dolphins. So basically he is saying "I signed this contract, even though i suck and now they want to try and win so they wont start a sucky QB and i am sure there are plenty of teams (ie. Lions, Some HS teams or the Lions) that would take a chance on me.
A-Rod takes on a whole new meaning
A-Rod supposedly is a regular at strip clubs. Yeah right. I cant imagine him at a strip club and crying when any girl wanted to touch him: "No, No, I will fend you off with my girly slaps on the arms.
OK, that is it for now. More later this week...
Falcons would like stupider fans:
The Falcon organization is asking for patience from the fans (ie. Season Ticket Holders) regarding the Michael Vick situation. My guess is that they would like the fans not to rush to judgement until Vick commits more favorable crimes than the dog fighting, such as, ripping the tags off his mattress, stealing an old ladies seat on the bus or running a prostitution ring (he does have experience in running something that involves a ring??)
The Vick PR machine only works in reverse
Normally i don't post two things about one player, but c'mon. It is now claimed that Vick has cancelled his football camp. So lets see his thinking, i need a push in popularity, these kids really have only been waiting a year to attend, they will understand a written letter of apology stating "scheduling conflicts" (ie. Dogfighting Championships in Butte, MT happen to fall on the same weekend.) Good call Mr Vick, Good Call.
Culpepper can't find his baby bottle
Culpepper is whining again. After taking his suggestion from his agent not to be a distraction, he issued a statement to all media outlets available (somehow i didn't get a copy, which is BS), stating he wants the NFLPA to become involved so he can get his release from the Dolphins. So basically he is saying "I signed this contract, even though i suck and now they want to try and win so they wont start a sucky QB and i am sure there are plenty of teams (ie. Lions, Some HS teams or the Lions) that would take a chance on me.
A-Rod takes on a whole new meaning
A-Rod supposedly is a regular at strip clubs. Yeah right. I cant imagine him at a strip club and crying when any girl wanted to touch him: "No, No, I will fend you off with my girly slaps on the arms.
OK, that is it for now. More later this week...
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