The singles matches have been announced and here is what i see happening:
Anthony Kim vs Sergio Garcia: Kim has inspired Mickelson too actually show some emotion, (along with some boob juggling). I think he will inspire Sergio to look at his new belt buckle that says "No Majors Yet Pretty Boy". Kim wins 3 and 2
Hunter Mahan vs Paul Casey: Hunter has been on fire the first two days, unfortunately that has led to him hitting the bar and banging the local 7 teeth gutter sluts and that will catch up with him today (as well as in 9 months). Casey wins 2 and 1
Justin Leonard vs Robert Karlsson: Justin and Robert both sit down on the 8th hole to play Dungeons and Dragons and the match is halved.
Phil Mickelson vs Justin Rose: Rose is distracted enough by Mickelson's D-Cups that Phil is able to pull out a 1-Up win.
Kenny Perry vs Henrick Stenson: My guess is that these guys have nothing in common. (Yeah, huge stretch there). My guess as there first conversation starter is Stenson going "Oh, you have golf clubs too?" Kenny and the home crowd 2 and 1.
Boo Weekley vs Oliver Wilson: Oliver passes out on the 4th hole after Weekley gives him a giant wad of Chew. Weekley 9 and 8.
JB Holmes vs Soren Hansen: A few of JB drives end up in Ohio so Soren sneaks by with a 4 and 2 win.
Jim Furyk vs Miguel Angel Jimenez: Furyk halves 18 to force a tie due to Jimenez trying to putt with his cigar.
Stewart Cink vs Graeme McDowell: Umm, Ok, these are actual golfers, yeah right. Halved.
Steve Stricker vs Ian Poulter: Ian is the controversial Captains pick but has been playing well both on and off the field. Steve Stricker only wants Ian to get off his lawn. Ian 2 and 1
Ben Curtis vs Lee Westwood: I say this one might be Dormie by the 2nd hole. Westwood 9 and 8.
Chad Campbell vs Padraig Harrington: Padriag realizes this isn't a Major and Chad sneaks up on him for a 1-up win.
I think by my calculations that USA would win, but i am not going to go back and verify that.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
NFL Week 3 - The Predictions
I have looked into my Crystal (well actually Cristal) Ball and here is what is going to happen this weekend:
Kansas City at Atlanta: A couple of predictions for this one. This is a CBS game so i am pretty sure they are bringing out the announcing team of Andy Rooney and Bill from the local 7/11. The #2 receiver for the Falcons has 1 catch this year, let the Matt Ryan era begin.
Oakland at Buffalo: In our second match up of QB's that will certainly be in the Hall of Fame (at your local WalMart), Buffalo is off to a hot start. You could say that Oakland is also off to a Hot start with 1 win and all, but it is just Al Davis having Hot Flashes.
Tampa Bay at Chicago: In a match up of former NFC North foes, Chicago is extremely excited about 1 stat this year: Kyle Orton - 0 Interceptions. But he also has 0 TD's so that leads me to believe that he has yet to throw a pass, that is the only explanation.
Carolina at Minnesota: The good news for Viking fans is that they have finally benched QB Jackson, even if it is about 20 years too late, it is still a good sign. The bad news is that Steve Smith returns and since a MN DB will be covering him, he will probably punch him in the face.
Miami at New England: I am pretty sure (not positive though) that CBS has received the news that Tom Brady is out for the year, but that wont stop their pregame show from mentioning his name a record 341 times, breaking the previous record of 339 times for Brett Favre the first week of this season.
Cincinnati at NYG: Eli Manning finally gets his dream of hanging out with prisoners, and I think he is going to like it.
Houston at Tennessee: Houston got their bye week already due to Hurricane Ike where search and rescue missions are still going on, much like the Titans are with Vince Young.
Arizona at Washington: Arizona is 2-0. Lets just think about that for a moment............Now picture Kurt Warner's wife/husband...that was fun.
Detroit at SF: Remember back in the 80's and early 90's when SF was winning all those Super Bowls and Detroit had, well, still had all that crime. Good Times.
St Louis at Seattle: At this point, if you are the owner of the Rams, do you just make them take the bus? And i don't mean a chartered bus, more like on Thursday the coach goes "OK guys, find your way to Seattle and we will see you on Saturday"
New Orleans at Denver: This game would be so much more fun if it were in NO, well with Brandon Marshall currently able to make the trip since he isn't suspended last time i checked.
Pittsburgh at Philadelphia: My guess is this game will turn in the Steelers favor when their defense scores a TD after DeSean Jackson celebrates a 6 yard catch before being tackled and then the Steelers will win after Jackson celebrates running his first reverse by dropping to his knee's as the ball is being pitched to him and pretending to fire off some 6-shooters to signify the 6 points the Steelers score on the fumble recovery.
Jacksonville at Indianapolis: I was going to comment on this match up but we need to pause for a Peyton Manning Commercial
Cleveland at Baltimore: I think this is the game that Cleveland finally breaks out of its offensive slump. They have to be inspired by the 50th straight day that Brady Quinn has went to see Mamma Mia.
Dallas at Green Bay: I recommend you watch the game on TV but listen to the broadcast via another source and John Madden will probably be openly sobbing during the whole broadcast while stuffing himself with a 4 gallon tub of Brett Favrelicious Ice Cream from Ben and Jerry's.
NYJ at SD: Speaking of Brett Favre, umm, i don't know, every story that could be told about him has been written 83 times with different views, so lets take a chance and say he killed a drifter cause he wouldn't run the precise route between the dead guy and the inflamed garbage can. (Vegas Odds: 6-1)
Peace Out
Kansas City at Atlanta: A couple of predictions for this one. This is a CBS game so i am pretty sure they are bringing out the announcing team of Andy Rooney and Bill from the local 7/11. The #2 receiver for the Falcons has 1 catch this year, let the Matt Ryan era begin.
Oakland at Buffalo: In our second match up of QB's that will certainly be in the Hall of Fame (at your local WalMart), Buffalo is off to a hot start. You could say that Oakland is also off to a Hot start with 1 win and all, but it is just Al Davis having Hot Flashes.
Tampa Bay at Chicago: In a match up of former NFC North foes, Chicago is extremely excited about 1 stat this year: Kyle Orton - 0 Interceptions. But he also has 0 TD's so that leads me to believe that he has yet to throw a pass, that is the only explanation.
Carolina at Minnesota: The good news for Viking fans is that they have finally benched QB Jackson, even if it is about 20 years too late, it is still a good sign. The bad news is that Steve Smith returns and since a MN DB will be covering him, he will probably punch him in the face.
Miami at New England: I am pretty sure (not positive though) that CBS has received the news that Tom Brady is out for the year, but that wont stop their pregame show from mentioning his name a record 341 times, breaking the previous record of 339 times for Brett Favre the first week of this season.
Cincinnati at NYG: Eli Manning finally gets his dream of hanging out with prisoners, and I think he is going to like it.
Houston at Tennessee: Houston got their bye week already due to Hurricane Ike where search and rescue missions are still going on, much like the Titans are with Vince Young.
Arizona at Washington: Arizona is 2-0. Lets just think about that for a moment............Now picture Kurt Warner's wife/husband...that was fun.
Detroit at SF: Remember back in the 80's and early 90's when SF was winning all those Super Bowls and Detroit had, well, still had all that crime. Good Times.
St Louis at Seattle: At this point, if you are the owner of the Rams, do you just make them take the bus? And i don't mean a chartered bus, more like on Thursday the coach goes "OK guys, find your way to Seattle and we will see you on Saturday"
New Orleans at Denver: This game would be so much more fun if it were in NO, well with Brandon Marshall currently able to make the trip since he isn't suspended last time i checked.
Pittsburgh at Philadelphia: My guess is this game will turn in the Steelers favor when their defense scores a TD after DeSean Jackson celebrates a 6 yard catch before being tackled and then the Steelers will win after Jackson celebrates running his first reverse by dropping to his knee's as the ball is being pitched to him and pretending to fire off some 6-shooters to signify the 6 points the Steelers score on the fumble recovery.
Jacksonville at Indianapolis: I was going to comment on this match up but we need to pause for a Peyton Manning Commercial
Cleveland at Baltimore: I think this is the game that Cleveland finally breaks out of its offensive slump. They have to be inspired by the 50th straight day that Brady Quinn has went to see Mamma Mia.
Dallas at Green Bay: I recommend you watch the game on TV but listen to the broadcast via another source and John Madden will probably be openly sobbing during the whole broadcast while stuffing himself with a 4 gallon tub of Brett Favrelicious Ice Cream from Ben and Jerry's.
NYJ at SD: Speaking of Brett Favre, umm, i don't know, every story that could be told about him has been written 83 times with different views, so lets take a chance and say he killed a drifter cause he wouldn't run the precise route between the dead guy and the inflamed garbage can. (Vegas Odds: 6-1)
Peace Out
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