Ryder Cup Predictions

The singles matches have been announced and here is what i see happening:

Anthony Kim vs Sergio Garcia: Kim has inspired Mickelson too actually show some emotion, (along with some boob juggling). I think he will inspire Sergio to look at his new belt buckle that says "No Majors Yet Pretty Boy". Kim wins 3 and 2

Hunter Mahan vs Paul Casey: Hunter has been on fire the first two days, unfortunately that has led to him hitting the bar and banging the local 7 teeth gutter sluts and that will catch up with him today (as well as in 9 months). Casey wins 2 and 1

Justin Leonard vs Robert Karlsson: Justin and Robert both sit down on the 8th hole to play Dungeons and Dragons and the match is halved.

Phil Mickelson vs Justin Rose: Rose is distracted enough by Mickelson's D-Cups that Phil is able to pull out a 1-Up win.

Kenny Perry vs Henrick Stenson: My guess is that these guys have nothing in common. (Yeah, huge stretch there). My guess as there first conversation starter is Stenson going "Oh, you have golf clubs too?" Kenny and the home crowd 2 and 1.

Boo Weekley vs Oliver Wilson: Oliver passes out on the 4th hole after Weekley gives him a giant wad of Chew. Weekley 9 and 8.

JB Holmes vs Soren Hansen: A few of JB drives end up in Ohio so Soren sneaks by with a 4 and 2 win.

Jim Furyk vs Miguel Angel Jimenez: Furyk halves 18 to force a tie due to Jimenez trying to putt with his cigar.

Stewart Cink vs Graeme McDowell: Umm, Ok, these are actual golfers, yeah right. Halved.

Steve Stricker vs Ian Poulter: Ian is the controversial Captains pick but has been playing well both on and off the field. Steve Stricker only wants Ian to get off his lawn. Ian 2 and 1

Ben Curtis vs Lee Westwood: I say this one might be Dormie by the 2nd hole. Westwood 9 and 8.

Chad Campbell vs Padraig Harrington: Padriag realizes this isn't a Major and Chad sneaks up on him for a 1-up win.

I think by my calculations that USA would win, but i am not going to go back and verify that.