Santana's Farewell

I am a devoted Twins fan and i am still trying to grasp this. Here are my original thoughts:

1. In terms of names traded that didn't include the best pitcher in baseball, this may have not been our best deal that was on the table. Don't think that i am not hoping that Lester, Ellersby, Hughes and Cabrera all somehow get involved in a huge cat fighting ring and head to jail for a long time. Either that or hang out with Roger Clemens right before a drug test.

2. I would feel a lot more comfortable if Terry Ryan were making this trade.

3. Is Santana more valuable than the recent Morneau/Cuddyer signings? Looking at the Twins replacement value in terms of hitters and pitchers in the minors, i have talked myself into no. Also, there was no way we were signing Santana and if he said "no-trade" after spring training started, he would walk away without us getting anything.

So in the end, I guess i am OK with the trade. We do have some pitchers that are going to have to step up, Liriano is hopefully fully recovered, and we do look a little more potent on the offensive end so far from this off season.

Now onto my normal type of post. I got most of my information from here. And let me say, they talked me off a ledge as there is some real promise with these guys (all were ranked in the top ten prospects of the Mets by Baseball America, but that doesn't mean i can't make fun of them:

Carlos Gomez, OF: They say he is a 5-tool player. I guess those 5 tools must mean, Speed, Defense, Arm, Strikeouts and Breaking Your Hand. Currently he strikes out about 1 out of 5 times. Now the guy/Twins legend he is replacing, Torii Hunter, struck out a lot early in his career, so plate discipline is something you can teach and the Twins are good at. And a strikeout is better than a double play, that is of course unless Mike Redmond happens to be stealing on the play.

Phil Humber, SP: He was the 3rd overall pick in the 2004 draft. Well one Tommy John surgery later and he isn't considered as good a prospect. I guess the Twins wanted someone who was going through what Liriano was going through, someone to talk with about it, share an ice tub after the game with, or just that there chances of someone recovering from this injury has now doubled. They are saying he hasn't gotten back to his pre-surgery form yet, which was a 4.99 ERA in single A. Ummm, that's not a good sign. But he did have 120 SO's in 139IP last year, so there is hope.

Deolis Guerra, SP: He is the #2 ranked prospect in the Met organization and has a mid-90's fastball, a plus change-up and is working on a curve ball, all this and he is only 18. All that is good, but by all expectations, he will start the year in Ft Myers, FL. In April. Lets put two and two together and say: 18 (soon to be 19) year old prospect + spring break in Florida in April = Well, other than an awesome party with bikini clad chicks, but not the best place for a prospect to be. Ohh, and he has had shoulder tendinitis, any of these guys not injured?

Kevin Mulvey, SP: He was 12-10 last year with a 3.20 ERA in AA. He was also named the Minor League Pitcher of the Year for the Mets. This says two things. The Mets minor league system must really suck and he is probably the 15th rated pitching prospect in the Twins organization now.

Alright, so that was my day of many emotions and i think i will recover. Its hard to lose not only such a great team player, but also the best pitcher in baseball. But the Twins have a better offense than last year, and a wealth of young pitching and some of the group (Bonser, Liriano, Baker, Slowey, Blackburn, Humber and Mulvey) is going to have to step up.

Quick Hits - 1/27

Finishing up on some of the major stories over the past week...

Tom Brady one of 4 billion people not in the Patriots locker room

How is it a story that Tom Brady isn't in the locker room for 2 days. Two points. One, if you were dating Giselle, would you rather be home with her naked or with 53 other guys naked while other guys ask you questions? And two, you know who else wasn't in the locker room those days? Myself, Gary Coleman, some guy named Brad, a lava lamp, and Randy Moss's favorite Minneapolis cop he ran over. Why are these not stories then? You also might say to me, well hey dude, there are now 5 billion people in the world, not 4 billion. And you would be right, but usually at any Patriots outing/newsconference/lockerroom, well anytime they are not sleeping, there are at least 1 billion reporters, sportswriters, TMZ photographers, ladies of the night, groupies, people that have restraining orders against Randy Moss and people that want to punch Belicheck in the face in the vicinity.

Red Sox are the first to sell their souls twice

It is being reported that the Red Sox will sell ad space on their uniforms for a series in Japan. Sure they will get some money, but my question is: What company in their right mind would buy this space knowing that every true fan would now hate your company? I can see some fresh new executive in his or her first meeting trying to make an impression saying "I know we will piss off 100 million people but we will get to be on TV a lot, and people always buy stuff that's on TV, see look at my Ronco Knife that can cut through this table"

Tim Donaghy wins another bet

It was reported that NBA Referee Tim Donaghy's sentencing for gambling has been rescheduled for April thus netting him a cool $400 bucks as he had April in the pool with his other referee buddies as to when he will be sentenced.

Canseco somehow becomes an even bigger ass

You thought Canseco had sunk to the lowest of lows to remain relevant, well you were wrong. It is now being reported that he told Magglio Ordonez to invest in his movie project or he would put him in his next book about people who he thinks may have used steroids so it must be true. One, Canseco never played with Magglio so how could he know if he ever did steroids. Two, why would he pick the only female player to go after and three, what exactly is this project? I am pretty sure the Academy Awards won't be considering this movie so i guess he is trying to become a bigger movie star that Brian Bosworth, which would involve selling at least one ticket to the movie.

Alright, that is it for now...have a few more to comment on, but i will wait for now as i have another feature/running theme that i may introduce next week...

Quick Hits - 1/24

Alright, a lot going on in the sports world so time for a quick hits post. I will probably break it down into 2-3 posts as there is quite a bit going on.

Golf Channel to rename itself Tiger Channel, lawsuit by Animal Planet ensues

Tiger Woods makes his debut this year and from what i can tell from the coverage, he is the only one on the course other than his playing partners which i think are just getting paid to stand around as i have yet to see one of their shots. I feel pretty safe in saying that he has a pretty good chance of winning, maybe 75%, due to the fact that no one else is playing. In other golf news, Jim Brown has called out Tiger to be as angry as him about the "lynching" comment by a Golf Channel reporter. I love how the media tries to find the angriest person to make a comment about any situation so they can make a story, I think Jim Brown now just sits around the house and waits for the phone to ring so he can remain relevant. Also, it looks like Phil has decided to read the book "John Daly's Guide to Fitness: How to Hide Your Man Boobs by Drinking and Eating Your Way into having a Huge Gut". Good call Phil. (By the way, i am watching the coverage right now, and Tiger just finished, though there are still other players on the course they have decided to show Tiger's highlights from previous years at Torrey Pines instead.

ESPN to hire 136 reporters/columnists in March

With the news that Brett Favre will not decide on his retirement until March, ESPN has decided to hold off hiring 136 people to cover the story until March. From ESPN's director of communications, "We believe the current staff can handle our quota of 16 stories a day about whether he will retire as we will bring over some of the guys that were covering whether or not Roger Clemens will retire, as that has pretty much been decided on its own, and have them report on this. Once March rolls around though, we are going to need to bring in about 136 people to cover such stories as: "When is the Press Conference?", "What is the status of his Beard?", "How are media members dealing with 2 months of not seeing him or being able to praise him: A Story from the Bar", and "How the rest of the Packers failed him against the Giants as they caused his interceptions and bad play because we are unable to criticize him"

Outrunning an Arrow not a speciality of Kenyan Marathon Runner

This might be my favorite story all year. It seems a Kenyan runner, who competed locally in the Grandma's Marathon and had won the past three years, was killed by an arrow during political unrest in Kenya. By an arrow?? Really?? When was the last time someone was killed by an arrow, 1832? Not sure why i think this is funny but it is, and there is a good chance our president will now claim an Arrow is a weapon of mass destruction.

Barry Bonds likes to make up words

According to reports, Barry Bonds has asked a federal judge to dismiss his perjury charge because he says the evidence is "scattershot" and is "striking inartfulness". It is also combustatrueliary and fornabigheadedness. I wonder if any of those will get through my spell check. My guess is scattershot mean his trainer had a seizure while injecting him with steroids in his ass and poked him several times. Inartfullness must mean the fact that his head can't fit into a picture unless the photo is taken from at least 100 yards away.

Alright, that is the start of Quick Hits, look for more soon with stories about OJ Mayo, Canseco, Tim Donaghy, Dana Jacobsen, Red Sox Selling their souls a little more, and the Santana stakes.

NFL Hall of Fame Finalists

Alright, we are going to take a quick look at the finalist list for the NFL Hall of Fame.

Cris Carter (Phil 87-89, MN 90-01, Mia 02): He is best known for his sideline catches and his control of the ball as he goes out of bounds. He is also known as a huge prick which is why if he makes it in he will probably go in as a Seattle Seahawk.

Fred Dean (SD 75-81, SF 81-85): Little known fact is that he played for both San Diego and San Francisco in the 1981 season. Luckily none of there games were scheduled at the same time except when they played each other that season where he wore half a Chargers uniform and half a 49er's uniform and just switched helmets. I don't think his chances are very good to get in as he is just a member of the Louisiana Sports Hall of Fame, if he can become a member of the other 49 stats Hall of Fame, I think he has a good shot.

Richard Dent (Chi 83-93, 95, SF 94, Ind 96, Phil 97): He was named the Super Bowl MVP in 1985 when the Bears throttled the Patriots 46-10. And from all accounts in the Boston area, this was the last time the Patriots lost.

Marshall Goldberg (Chi Cardinals 39-43, 46-48): What the heck. I don't think you deserve to be in the Hall of Fame if you take a two year vacation from your team. Its not like a war was going on or something. One word: Selfish.

Randy Gradishar (Den 74-83): Its kinda confusing. First of all he is now a car dealer in Colorado, competing directly with John Elway, which would make you think that Elway will do anything to keep him out of the Hall. But on the other hand, his ring finger is shaped like the #7 which i believe is a requirement from Elway for all of his former teammates.

Darrell Green (Wash 83-02): This is a no-brainer. He should be in. Though i don't think he cares too much about this honor as he is already one of the Unlockable Legends in the video game NFL Street 2 and there is no higher honor than that.

Russ Grimm (Wash 81-91): Was one of the members of the famous "Hogs" offensive lineman for the Redskins. I think this can only mean one thing, he was a ball hog and automatically run backwards after the snap, steal the ball from the QB and bumble for -6 yards each play. Not Hall of Fame worthy.

Ray Guy (Oak 77-86): There currently are no punters in the Hall of Fame but i think he is worthwhile. I remember as a kid opening up a pack of football cards and when i got one of his cards i would run around the neighborhood screaming "I got a Ray Guy card!" Of course i got beat up a lot as a child. But if you are talking about punters getting into the Hall of Fame, i think the Raiders current punter deserves some consideration as he has been their offensive MVP for 3 years in a row.

Bob Kuechenberg (Mia 70-84): Mercury Morris thinks he should be in since he was a part of Miami's undefeated season and i try to live my life by what Mercury Morris thinks. But if he doesn't make it, he can still be proud of the fact that he is in the Chicago Owls of the Continental Football League's Hall of Fame.

Randall McDaniel (MN 88-99, TB 00-01): I think the fact that he played in 12 pro bowls and two of them had to be when he was with TB means that he had to be pretty damn good.

Art Monk (Wash 80-93, NYJ 94, Phil 95): He is currently ranked 5th in all-time receptions, which to me means that he should be in the Hall of Fame. And if you don't vote for him, "The Posse" (him, Gary Clark and Ricky Sanders) are going to come after you. No real need to worry though, as they are now old and you can probably outrun them.

Andre Reed (Buff 85-99, Wash 00): This is the 2nd receiver in a row whose statistics surpass Michael Irvin's, who was elected into the Hall before them. I guess they didn't pass him in the one statistic that matters most to Hall of Fame voters, amount of Coke snorted.

Paul Taglibue ( ): What the heck, he didn't even play football. In that case, i now nominate myself for the Hall of Fame.

Derrick Thomas (KC 89-99): Should be in as he was one of the most feared LB's ever in the NFL. His chances are hurt by the fact that his career was cut too short by a fatal car accident and because he was a KC Chief.

Emmitt Thomas (KC 66-78): See above, minus the whole fatal car accident thing, unless you count the fact that he is the Defensive Coordinator for the Falcons currently, but that is more of a train wreck.

Andre Tippett (NE 82-93): The token NE representative as we wouldn't want them to feel disrespected. I think each Hall of Famer should have a moment in his career that you remember vividly. I remember mine vividly of Andre, as it just happened 6 seconds ago when i said to myself "Who the Hell is Andre Tippett?"

Gary Zimmerman (MN 86-92, Den 93-97): He not only played in the NATIONAL Football League, but also in the US Football League. Not sure what the difference is between National and United States but i think it can only help his candidacy.

PGA's W(h)ine Club and Some Quick Notes

A quick post on the PGA's new rule change, but first a few quick notes on a couple of other stories:

1.) I guess Randy Moss's accuser who slapped him with a restraining order is now saying that she will no longer feel 'disrespected'. Good news America! You now don't have to be from the New England/Boston area to be disrespected. All you have to do is be associated with someone from that area. A guy from Boston beat me in Fantasy Football this year, I feel so disrespected. Hmmm, I suddenly have this feeling of hate towards everyone who doesn't agree with my opinion or doesn't think my team is the best ever.

2.) Seems like baseball has been spending too much time in front of Congress. I guess now if you are incompetent at your job, look the other way when constituents cheat, have a general disregard for the American public and will do anything, absolutely anything to make more money for yourself, it gets you contract extensions/re-elected.

Now, PGA's new rule where basically if you make the cut on the number and there are over 78 players left in the field, you don't get to play on the weekend. I think this is a horrible rule and here is why:

1.) Players were complaining that rounds were taking too long. I feel for you players, i really do. Its got to really suck having to work on the weekends, sometimes for 5 1/2 hours each day!! And of course by work i mean playing freaking golf, showing up to work when you want too on a private jet and instead of playing the normal 4 1/2 hour round, having the opportunity to make millions of dollars for those extra two hours of work on the weekend every once in awhile. I will take a 5 1/2 round of golf any day of the week.

2.) Yes, the players who make the cut and don't get to play the weekend still get credit for a cut made, FedEx cup points and about $10k, not bad for a weekend. But, they lose the chance to compete for more. How is this good for golf? Lets not let everyone play. There are players who are going to lose their cards this year because they didn't get a chance to compete for more. This also goes along with last year, two players who made the cut on the number ended up finishing in the top ten that week and winning over $100k. Way to stimy competition in your players.

3.) The one good that can come of this that can change the rule. If Tiger or Phil make the cut on the number and are sent home. Don't you think the sponsors would freak out on the PGA? That would be fun and would probably have the PGA create some sort of rule on Friday night that says, well if your in the top ten and black or have man boobs, you can play on. Which would make them look ridiculous.

4.) The fact that this is all driven to by the TV networks, like all of our sports. There isn't a sport left that doesn't make a move without talking to the networks. Baseball doesn't have daytime playoff games anymore because of TV, NBA Playoffs are 8 months long because you can't have two games in one night because of TV and NHL has to move to VS. network, well because no one else will take them (i guess that doesn't really relate to this argument). So TV doesn't want 5 1/2 golf rounds when they can get better numbers and more money from someone pitching a knife set that can cut through a carburetor on an infomercial if Tiger or Phil aren't playing.

By the way, i watch golf, because i like golf (and because i am in a Fantasy Golf League).

Should be a weekend post, well this weekend.

NFL Recap and How PacMan Could have Changed the Outcomes

With the news that Pacman Jones had another altercation at a strip club, we have learned a few things:

1. Pacman doesn't have access to the Internet. If he did well, umm, Pacman, there are ample amounts of naked women, very few of who will get you arrested.
2. I think if we just lock him up from 1:30 am to 4:30 am everyday, he would probably be fine, and since he won't be collecting an NFL paycheck anymore, he could use the free room and board.
3. In his mind everyone should be treated alike, whether it be other sports figures, thugs, women and probably punk kids, they all should be punched.
4. His decision making skills leave something to be desired. Correction, maybe someone can purchase him some decision making skills.

Now how could he have affected this past weekend games?

NYG vs DAL: There is a really good chance he would have either asked Elisha to strip (thus leaving his man open) or punched her in the face (thus drawing a 15 yd penalty). Either way, Cowboys would have still lost. And if he saw TO in the news conference after the game, he probably would have ran, thinking he hit her too.

GB vs SEA: The incredible snow game. One of the funnest games to watch of the year. How would Pacman have affected this game. Well, whichever team he played for would have lost as he is not familiar with the difference between rain and snow and would have just sat on the field and picked up the snow and made it "rain" or being confused, he would have just tried to snort the snow giving him brain freeze (can you actually freeze a brain that isn't functional?)

NE vs JACK: Belicheck would have slept with his wife/girlfriend thus him flipping out and having someone else do the dirty work and "dispose" of Belicheck. Police wouldn't really research the crime as they just think it is a homeless guy that was killed. How does this affect the game? Not sure, i was just dreaming.

INDY vs SD: Philip Rivers, LT and Antonio Gates fake injuries so they can go to the strip club with Pacman and SD wins. Hmmm, maybe that is what happened?

Alright, back tomorrow or Thursday with my take on the Congress vs Baseball match up.

NFL Playoffs Headlines and Predictions

Alright, i am going to try and predict the headlines in the papers tomorrow and also offer a prediction for the game in this quick post (starting to get back into the links again):

NYG vs DAL: Pregame Catfight Between Jessica Simpson and Eli Manning Forces Giants to use Backup QB. Prediction: NYG 87 - Dallas 3, as Romo loses focus worrying about Jessica being arrested for kicking the crap out of Eli and the Giants offense is unstoppable when you actually throw an NFL QB into the mix.

SEA vs GB: The Question Remains, Will Matt Hasselback Retire or Not? Prediction: GB 28 - Seattle 26 OT, as Hasselback wins the toss in overtime and says "We want the ball and i am going to get sacked for a safety", a much safer option than his last OT prediction as on the first snap he runs backwards out of the end zone.

NE vs JACK: A Bored Bill Belicheck Only Suits Up 8 Players. Prediction: Jacksonville 33 - NE 32, as Maurice Jones-Drew and Fred Taylor combine for 678 yards rushing against an 8 man front, of course two of those were Tom Brady and Randy Moss, who combined for 4 TD's and 4 2-pt conversions as they were the only offensive players suited up. At the post game news conference Bill Belicheck brings a handgun, sets it on the table and says "Any Questions?" resulting in 4 deaths of young sport writers who didn't know any better.


SD vs IND: Philip Rivers Doesn't Read Playbook, Thought he was Facing Eli Manning. Prediction: Indy 49 - SD 27, as Rivers tries to top his hero Peyton from their regular season match-up and throws 7 interceptions and says after the game "I was just trying to channel my inner Ryan Leaf"

Why Roger Clemens Is Really Upset

Roger Clemens Denial on Steroids – Why he is upset that people found out he took them:

1. Lost his million dollar sponsorship with a B-12 company. It is rumored the first commercial went something like this: He shows up on screen holding a little pill and says, "See this? Why would you want to have to remember to take this everyday when you can just carry this?" He pulls out a needle with a piece of tape saying B-12 over some word with these letters at the ends, St-----ds. Then Clemens says, "Wouldn't it be much easier to carry this along when you and a buddy are hanging out in your local public bathroom stall, and inject B-12 into your ass then? You're going to be there anyways, aren't you? Might as well stick some B-12 in your butt, just like your hero, Roger Clemens. Yep, I do that when i hang out with my friends in bathroom stalls everyday and you can to."

2. He probably wont be able to make his farewell tour next year to all the ballparks that he has tentatively titled “The All The Teams and Fan Bases I Screwed Over Tour '08"

3. Now with his pretty much inevitable “forced” retirement since no team in their right mind would sign him, well that does leave a few possible teams, he is upset he won't be able to keep up with Brett Favre in their battle for press conferences to tell people you are not sure if you are retiring yet. Favre has a slim lead on him at the end of last year 149-142

4. He was hoping to finish his thesis and already have it published on how steroids don't help athletes perform better or longer. His main argument to prove his thesis is that to look at his son Koby, he sucks at baseball and he took the shit out of steroids since he was 3. (Rog just might be mad at his son for this quote which led Mitchell to look for links of steroids to Roger)

5. Fears sales of his new book “My Super Secret Rigorous and Incredible Workout that Keeps You in Shape without Having to Actually Workout (And How to Dupe America and The Press into Thinking It Is A Real Workout)

6. He kept himself for next year on his Fantasy Baseball Keeper League roster. Team Name: Rogers Overbearing Incredible Dickheads.

Sports Weekend Rewind - 1/6

Alright, after taking the holiday's off and reassessing this venture, i am reinvigorated. There will be alot more posts, mostly shorter updates on the news of the day, and then some longer stories/posts of stuff that i feel like making fun of...so to start this off, here is my thoughts on the NFL playoff weekend and the bowl season:

1.) First, before we get to football, i just watched Roger Clemens on 60 Minutes. I think the only thing faker than Clemens excuse is Mike Wallace's face, seriously, how many clothespins does he have behind his head holding that together? His excuse is flimsy at best. Why would you choose to have another dude inject B12 in your ass when you could maybe head down to the local Walgreens and pick up a bottle, maybe he likes guys looking at his ass. All I know is now i can call the New England Patriots, The Boston Red Sox and The New York Yankees cheaters and i couldnt be happier.

2.) Why is everyone complaining about the college bowl system? Do you flip the channels and see a Bowl Game and start watching? Of course you do, yes you have an arbitrary champion that really isnt the best team but it still makes the whole regular season mean something. Every game counts, so why are you complaining? So we get 32 games of players playing for everything, even if it isnt for a title, well I am watching.

3.) If you are a Giants player, would you want to look in the huddle and see a guy who looks like he should be in a Jello commerial as your leader?

4.) Seattle has now become the Patriots of the West. I cant believe they disrespected Sean Taylors death by raising a flag with his number inverted (12 instead of 21), hey why don't you have him exonorated and pee on his corpse before the game, would that be enough? Oh, wait, the 12 on the flag is for the crowd being the 12th man, hmmm, they really need to work on ticket sales then.

5.) It was kind of surprising that we only had 212 stories about Brett Favre during a week he didnt play, I was expecting more. When he actually retires is he going to take over every headline on Retirement Daily's newsletter?

6.) I am watching the new American Gladiators right now, and i would like to say to Hulk Hogan, thanks for ruining all of my memories of this great show.