Why Roger Clemens Is Really Upset

Roger Clemens Denial on Steroids – Why he is upset that people found out he took them:

1. Lost his million dollar sponsorship with a B-12 company. It is rumored the first commercial went something like this: He shows up on screen holding a little pill and says, "See this? Why would you want to have to remember to take this everyday when you can just carry this?" He pulls out a needle with a piece of tape saying B-12 over some word with these letters at the ends, St-----ds. Then Clemens says, "Wouldn't it be much easier to carry this along when you and a buddy are hanging out in your local public bathroom stall, and inject B-12 into your ass then? You're going to be there anyways, aren't you? Might as well stick some B-12 in your butt, just like your hero, Roger Clemens. Yep, I do that when i hang out with my friends in bathroom stalls everyday and you can to."

2. He probably wont be able to make his farewell tour next year to all the ballparks that he has tentatively titled “The All The Teams and Fan Bases I Screwed Over Tour '08"

3. Now with his pretty much inevitable “forced” retirement since no team in their right mind would sign him, well that does leave a few possible teams, he is upset he won't be able to keep up with Brett Favre in their battle for press conferences to tell people you are not sure if you are retiring yet. Favre has a slim lead on him at the end of last year 149-142

4. He was hoping to finish his thesis and already have it published on how steroids don't help athletes perform better or longer. His main argument to prove his thesis is that to look at his son Koby, he sucks at baseball and he took the shit out of steroids since he was 3. (Rog just might be mad at his son for this quote which led Mitchell to look for links of steroids to Roger)

5. Fears sales of his new book “My Super Secret Rigorous and Incredible Workout that Keeps You in Shape without Having to Actually Workout (And How to Dupe America and The Press into Thinking It Is A Real Workout)

6. He kept himself for next year on his Fantasy Baseball Keeper League roster. Team Name: Rogers Overbearing Incredible Dickheads.