Super Bowl Preview - Comparing the RB's and WR's

Part II of the preview (going all Super Bowl on you)

RB's:

Arizona:

Edgerrin James complained earlier this that he wanted to leave the Cardinals because he wasn't the starter after bolstering an incredible 3.5 ypc (and incredible because when i heard he averaged 3.5 on something I immediately thought it was seconds in a 4 yard dash). I think the Cardinals should grant his request and cut him but not right now. I would wait until right before the introductions for the Super Bowl, just as they are about announce his name, some low-level front office guy walks up and says, "Yo Edge, sorry dude, you have been cut." After a few awkward moments of silence he goes, "Umm, yeah, we're going to need that helmet back, oh and the jersey and pants too, Bidwell thinks he can get 4 dollars for them on E-bay. Whoa, Whoa, Edge, stop right there, you can keep the jock, though i must say you are the Anti-Shiancoe if i must say". Just after that the announcer goes, "You know him from the Police Academy movies! The starting running back for the Arizona Cardinals...Tim Hightower.

Pittsburgh:

Starter Willie Parker has been nicknamed Fast Willie Parker, obviously that doesn't apply to recovering from minor injuries and only to his sex life. He has never been a great back and it was shown during the regular season that Mewelde Moore can handle the duties better. He shares a rookie record while with the Vikings with Onterrio "The Whizinator" Smith. So maybe he can share his Nat'l Honor Society knowledge with Fast Willie to apply The Whizinator to improve his "times".

Advantage: Steelers

WR's

Arizona:

Larry Fitzgerald has shown this off season that not only is he possible the best WR in the league but he will do anything to help Arizona win. I believe that he may even go as far as switching uniforms while Arizona is on defense and dropping a few key balls for Pittsburgh. Oh wait, the Steelers already have Limas Sweed for that, no need risking a penalty. During that time though Anquin Boldin will be yelling at the Pittsburgh offensive coordinator as to why he isn't in the game.

Pittsburgh:

Santonio Holmes admitted today that he used to sell drugs as a youth and tried to spin it as an inspirational story for the youth drug dealers out there that they can get out of that life and be all they want to be. Oddly enough, most of them want to be the cornerback that is covering Santonio Holmes to enhance their chances of a big payday. Hines Ward continues his drama queen/TO routine on whether he will play or not and Limas Sweed after several key drops tries to improve his hand-eye coordination by visiting several of the 43 local Tampa strip clubs.

Big Advantage: Arizona.

Super Bowl Preview - Comparing The QB's and OL

The first in a series comparing Pittsburgh and Arizona, by position. A Super Bowl Preview, its something i thought of completely on my own and you will not find it anywhere on the net, even ESPN is spending most of their resources on the Australian Open and the PBA Canton Open this week. So here we go:

QB's:
Arizona:

Kurt Warner: The last time he was in the Super Bowl he was somehow married to a man, or a woman with a penis, whichever helps you sleep at night and actually neither will help me. Now his man-wife has had a transformation. So how will he respond to this new distraction? Let's hope he goes all Eugene Robinson and tries to pick up a man-whore cop.

Matt Leinart: "Spring Break!!!! WoooHoooo!!! Chicks!!!! Beer!!!! More Chicks!!!! More Beer!!!! I can't believe Arizona is paying for a Spring Break trip for me!! What a Team!!! Who's suite is having the Super Bowl Party?!?!"

Brian St. Pierre: Obviously he is someone that the Phoenix Coyotes are stashing on the Cardinals roster, St. Pierre, c'mon that's not a QB. It says he went to Boston College, so that also means he's an ass, which kinda points towards being a hockey player more than a football player. Football players are Diva's.

Pittsburgh:

Ben Roethlisberger: "Ummm, Is today Tuesnesday? Why do you want me to put my hands on that guys sack? I like Buses! Do you think we can have macaroni and cheese for lunch? Why is the ball not round? I like buses, especially in Jancemburary."

Byron Leftwich: Has been known to play through every injury possible. It has really helped his reputation to play through injuries by him being the backup this year for his 17 injuries.

Dennis Dixon: His stats this year are 1-1 for 3 yds, so i think he is ready to take over. Also, as a side note, he is owned in 0.1% of the fantasy leagues on ESPN, which means there is one really delusional Oregon fan out there that people in the Portland area should be concerned about. I also want to be in this guys league.

Advantage: Cardinals. You cant beat Spring Break dude!

OL: Both lines are extremely fat. That is a good thing.

Advantage: Even

Wow! A rare NHL post!

I really don't write about the NHL much, but this kinda struck my attention, The NHL starters as voted upon by fans:

East
C Sidney Crosby, PIT
C Evgeni Malkin, PIT
RW Alexei Kovalev, MON
D Andrei Markov, MON
D Mike Komisarek, MON
G Carey Price, MON
West
RW Patrick Kane, CHI
C Jonathan Toews, CHI
C Ryan Getzlaf, ANA
D Brian Campbell, CHI
D Scott Niedermayer, ANA
G Jean-Sebastien Giguere, ANA

Wow??? 4 teams represent all of the starters. I guess the PR departments of these teams took the Redskins lead in campaigning their fans to vote and vote again. Unlike the NFL, many (not all) of the undeserving Redskin starters were cancelled out by the player and coaches votes which count the same.

I am pretty sure the fans in Colorado, Minnesota, New York & Boston were thinking to themselves, "You know what would be awesome! If we saw a game between the best (?) players from Anaheim and Chicago vs the best (?) players from Pittsburgh and Montreal!!!" Yeah, I highly doubt that.

This could be the end of fan voting. This is the ultimate Marketing over Performance example and it is quite disgusting. I will not claim to know enough about the NHL to say who is deserving or who isn't, but i am guessing all of the best players in the league are not from these 4 cities.

But I guess, way to go Anaheim, not like you have nice weather to enjoy or something instead of spending 18 hours on the computer voting for Ryan Getzlaf.

2009 Baseball Hall of Fame Nominees - Part II

Here is Part II of a look at the Hall of Fame nominees list for 2009:

Mark Grace:

Grace's profile, much like his career, is pretty unassuming and boring, I almost fell asleep trying to find something to write about him. The most interesting thing I found was that his ex-wife married Ray Liotta after he met her at one of his games. He can't even keep his wife interested in him during his games. Never finished in the Top 10 of any MVP vote.

Chances of Election: 1.4%
Chances of remaining on the Ballot: 91%
Should he be in the Hall: No

Rickey Henderson:

I can't do this justice, so lets just let Rickey explain why he deserves to be in the Hall. "Rickey deserves to be in the Hall because Rickey is the greatest base stealer of all time and Rickey is the greatest lead off hitter of all time. Rickey can also hit home runs. Rickey also has over .400 OBP." All of this is true. But my fear is that Rickey will refuse election to the Hall since he hasn't officially retired yet.

Chances of Election: 98.9% (could be some jack-ass writers who didn't like him personally)
Chances of remaining on the Ballot: 100%
Should be in the Hall: Absolutely

Tommy John:

Now if this was the American Medical Association's Hall of Fame, he would be a shoo in. The Tommy John surgery is one of the most famous every. How he played baseball at such a high level and was a top notch surgeon at the same time, i have no idea. Either way, the highest percentage of votes he has received was last year with 29.1%.

Chances of Election: 3.5%
Chances of staying on the Ballot: 0% (He is in his last year of eligibility to be voted in by the writers)
Should be in the Hall: Maybe (Having two careers like that is similar to Bo Jackson or Deion Sanders, except with a degree)

Don Mattingly:

"Donnie Baseball" was a feared hitter in the 80's, not necessarily for HR's but for getting big hits late in the game. His detractors say his numbers don't add up to other 1st baseman in the Hall, and they would be correct. His supporters say his numbers are comparable to Kirby Puckett's, which is true, but he played a different position. He also set a bunch of records in 1987 that are so discreet that no one will ever remember them unless you are a Yankee fan who became homeless in the winter of 1988 and repeat them on the step of the library for everyone to hear. In the end can you keep out someone who has this roaming around his lips, that would create a sweet HOF bust. In his 9th year of eligibility he hasn't received more than 28% of the vote.

Chances of Election: 3.7%
Chances of staying on the Ballot: 96%
Should he be in the Hall: No

Mark McGwire:

Probably the most controversial player on the ballot for his alleged use of steroids. I will let you decide: Here he is during his playing days. And here he is after he retired.

Chances of Election: 0.004%
Chances of staying on the Ballot: 79%
Should he be in the Hall: Stats (Yes), Ethics (No). I am going to go with No.

Jack Morris:

Now i might be a little bit of a homer on this selection since he had the greatest pitching performance in a game 7 of the World Series when he pitched a 10 inning complete game in game 7 of the '91 World Series for the Twins and was born in St Paul. But his 3.90 career ERA concerns me, Since that is only a few points less than the Twins Allan Anderson's career ERA (who happens to be the worst pitcher to ever win the ERA title). I am torn.

Chances of Election: 13% (his totals have been going up lately, but still not close)
Chances of staying on the Ballot: 96%
Should be in the Hall: Yes (Homer pick maybe, but he did have the most wins in the 1980's of any pitcher)

Part III coming soon as i believe the results are announced on the 12th...

2009 Baseball Hall of Fame Nominees: Part I

We are going to switch gears here from the NFL and take a look at the candidates for the Baseball Hall of Fame:

Harold Baines: The black Don Johnson of beards stats hold some water. 1,628 RBI's was 10th in the AL when he retired (and since a lot of them had to be Frank Thomas waddling from 2nd) that is pretty impressive. But his main positive for inclusion into the Hall is that he was "clutch" which can't be measured, unless your A-Rod, then you are not clutch. This is his 3rd year on the ballot and he has received 5.3% and 5.2% of the votes for inclusion (you need 5% to stay on the ballot)

Chances of Election: 0.00001%
Chances of Staying on the Ballot: 88%
Should he be in the Hall: No

Jay Bell: Lets see, he made 53 errors in his first minor league season. He has a career batting average less than .270, HR's less than 200 and RBI's less than 1000, I have the same stats and I dont see my name on the ballot.

Chances of Election: 0.00%
Chances of Staying on the Ballot: 2%
Should he be in the Hall: No

Bert Blyleven: Normally i wouldnt vote for a guy who was given a nickname by Chris Berman, but Bert's stats measure up, 287 wins, over 3500 SO's, so i have no idea why the voters wont vote him in. Maybe they don't like his creative use of the word F*ck on air or maybe they went to a Twins game and weren't circled. Anyways, last year he received 61.9% of the votes so hopefully if a few of these old foggie sportswriters die and they let a few new guys to vote, and he will get it.

Chances of Election: 71%
Chances of Staying of the Ballot: 100%
Should he be in the Hall: Yes

David Cone: This is his first year on the ballot and since he played for both the Yankees and the Mets, many of the Hall of Fame voters have had to go see there doctors after experiencing an erection lasting longer than 4 hours. The cure, he also played for the Royals. My original thought was no, but looking at his resume and stats, i have to reconsider.

Chances of Election: 7%
Chances of Staying on the Ballot: 81%
Should he be in the Hall: Maybe

Andre Dawson: Nicknamed the "Hawk", he was not only known for his power (438 HR's) and his cannon of an arm (one of his balls is still lodged in Ryne Sandberg's torso, or so i am told) but he had speed too as he notched 314 SB's as it is really hard to tag a hawk. He also won the MVP for the last place Cubs in 1987, and i know "last place" and "Cubs" is kinda redundant.

Chances of Election: 94%
Chances of staying on the Ballot: 100%
Should he be in the Hall: Yes

Ron Gant: Gant was one of the first to join the elusive 30-30 club in baseball when he banged 30 groupies in 30 days in January of 1994 after he signed, at the time, the richest one-year contract in baseball history of $5.5 million dollars. Oddly enough that is what A-Rod makes right now everytime he bangs a 50-year old whore.

Chances of Election: 0.48%
Chances of staying on the Ballot: 2.47%
Should he be in the Hall: No

That is part 1, part 2 is coming this weekend.