Quick Hits - 1/24

Alright, a lot going on in the sports world so time for a quick hits post. I will probably break it down into 2-3 posts as there is quite a bit going on.

Golf Channel to rename itself Tiger Channel, lawsuit by Animal Planet ensues

Tiger Woods makes his debut this year and from what i can tell from the coverage, he is the only one on the course other than his playing partners which i think are just getting paid to stand around as i have yet to see one of their shots. I feel pretty safe in saying that he has a pretty good chance of winning, maybe 75%, due to the fact that no one else is playing. In other golf news, Jim Brown has called out Tiger to be as angry as him about the "lynching" comment by a Golf Channel reporter. I love how the media tries to find the angriest person to make a comment about any situation so they can make a story, I think Jim Brown now just sits around the house and waits for the phone to ring so he can remain relevant. Also, it looks like Phil has decided to read the book "John Daly's Guide to Fitness: How to Hide Your Man Boobs by Drinking and Eating Your Way into having a Huge Gut". Good call Phil. (By the way, i am watching the coverage right now, and Tiger just finished, though there are still other players on the course they have decided to show Tiger's highlights from previous years at Torrey Pines instead.

ESPN to hire 136 reporters/columnists in March

With the news that Brett Favre will not decide on his retirement until March, ESPN has decided to hold off hiring 136 people to cover the story until March. From ESPN's director of communications, "We believe the current staff can handle our quota of 16 stories a day about whether he will retire as we will bring over some of the guys that were covering whether or not Roger Clemens will retire, as that has pretty much been decided on its own, and have them report on this. Once March rolls around though, we are going to need to bring in about 136 people to cover such stories as: "When is the Press Conference?", "What is the status of his Beard?", "How are media members dealing with 2 months of not seeing him or being able to praise him: A Story from the Bar", and "How the rest of the Packers failed him against the Giants as they caused his interceptions and bad play because we are unable to criticize him"

Outrunning an Arrow not a speciality of Kenyan Marathon Runner

This might be my favorite story all year. It seems a Kenyan runner, who competed locally in the Grandma's Marathon and had won the past three years, was killed by an arrow during political unrest in Kenya. By an arrow?? Really?? When was the last time someone was killed by an arrow, 1832? Not sure why i think this is funny but it is, and there is a good chance our president will now claim an Arrow is a weapon of mass destruction.

Barry Bonds likes to make up words

According to reports, Barry Bonds has asked a federal judge to dismiss his perjury charge because he says the evidence is "scattershot" and is "striking inartfulness". It is also combustatrueliary and fornabigheadedness. I wonder if any of those will get through my spell check. My guess is scattershot mean his trainer had a seizure while injecting him with steroids in his ass and poked him several times. Inartfullness must mean the fact that his head can't fit into a picture unless the photo is taken from at least 100 yards away.

Alright, that is the start of Quick Hits, look for more soon with stories about OJ Mayo, Canseco, Tim Donaghy, Dana Jacobsen, Red Sox Selling their souls a little more, and the Santana stakes.