All Star Game Bonanza

All right, we are going to break it down position by position with a "Most Likely To" comment for next weeks MLB All-Star game to predict the winner, well if Bud Selig doesn't run out on the field in the 1st inning and declare it a tie.

CATCHER:

AL: Ivan Rodriguez - I am pretty sure this selection is because its the only recognizable name on the ballot (hence his 12 all-star selections). I thought the female vote might overtake him this year with Joe Mauer and his dreamy sideburns, but alas no.
Most Likely To: Accidentally substitute his over 55 vitamins with Viagra and hit a home run without a bat.

NL: Russell Martin - Was able to get voted in due to the huge push of the 17 Canadian baseball fans.
Most Likely To: Been seen out in McCovey's Cove on a yacht. Aren't all guys named Russell yachtsmen?

Advantage: AL, Ivan vs Russell, c'mon.

1B:

AL: David Ortiz - Hmm, only one Boston starter and 3 Yankee starters even though the Yankees are under .500. Might be a good time to take that vacation to Laos that you have been saving up for as America will be in Red Level Red Sox Fan Whining Threat Mode.
Most Likely To: Need to print out MapQuest directions to find first base.

NL: Prince Fielder - The son of former famous Hot Dog Eating Contest participant Cecil Fielder.
Most Likely To: Be seen ordering a 6ft Sub from Subway prior to game time for himself.

Advantage: Whoever can steal 2nd base in a slow pitch drinking softball league without getting caught.

2B:

AL: Placido Polanco - I think i had this after i slept with that prostitute.
Most Likely To: Set the record for the most people saying the word "Who?" in San Francisco at one time.

NL: Chase Utley - Really, the first three NL players are named Russell, Prince and Chase. I didn't realize i was covering Polo.
Most Likely To: At 184 lbs, to be eaten by Prince Fielder for dessert.

Advantage: Tie, one guy will be eaten and one will be held up by security trying to claim he is an actual player..

SS:

AL: Derek Jeter - Oh my God, he is the best player ever in the game, not just baseball but any game. He could run for 3000 yards in a season, shoot 100% from 3pt land or run 100m in .82 seconds if he wanted to. Oops...sorry there, i was channeling my inner newspaper columnist, where's the buffet?
Most Likely To: Part the baseball field so the other team can't run the base paths.

NL: Jose Reyes - A slick fielding shortstop, should we really use that term cause doesn't slick mean slippery and therefore he falls down a lot?
Most Likely To: Paint Jeter's toenails.

Advantage: Like you have to ask....the world would crumble if Jeter wasn't more beloved.

3B:

AL: Alex Rodriguez - Hmmm, not sure i have heard of this guy. Wasn't he the one who recently threw his precious hand into the back of Morneau and somehow hurt his hamstring?
Most Likely To: Scream in pain with a hangnail, slap another man, be on the cover of a gay adult film, or play for the San Antonio Spurs.

NL: David Wright - Cant go Wrong with the decision on Wright. Wait that didn't work, i mean cant go Rong with Wright...yeah still doesn't work.
Most Likely To: Cause an A-Rod injury just by walking near him.

Advantage: Yeah, Wright

OF:

AL: Ichiro Suzuki - Whose name in Japanese means "Hey, I am in America, I can demand a lot of cash"
Most Likely To: Have his interpreter misinterpret "Once the ball went off the bat i knew i had it" with "i had new balls attached to my bat"

Vladimir Guerrero - Must have got the Ukraine vote to get in
Most Likely To: Wear a Vodka cap to the outfield

Magglio Ordonez - Really, 3 Detroit Tigers starting. For the love of Lou Whitaker this needs to stop.
Most Likely To: Have an exterminator run on the field and kill that thing on his head

NL: Barry Bonds - Kinda like this A-Rod guy, who has heard of him. He is really lucky to be here at his first all star game.
Most Likely To: Fall on a needle containing steroids before the Home Run Derby "accidentally"

Carlos Beltran - Well if we didn't have 3 representatives from each NY team no one would cover the event
Most Likely To: Be the only person to ever miss Kansas City after living in NY

Ken Griffey Jr - Wow, a Cincinnati Red voted to the All-Star game, they must be an up and coming team.
Most Likely To: Kill a couple of drifters before the game and have a puppet show in his room. Just kidding, needed to take a shot at his squeaky clean image, he has to have some secrets doesn't he?

Advantage: AL (Bonds will get thrown out at first on normal triple since it wasn't a homer)

OK, so advantage...ummm...not sure, i really didn't decide.

Also, after the craziness of June, i am now going to start posting more. Hopefully 3-4 times a week.