Minnesota Twins Mid-Season Report Card

As many of you 3 readers know, i am a fan of the MN Twins baseball club. So here is my mid-season review of the team.

Catcher:

Joe Mauer - Has been limited by injuries (though my insiders tell me that someone shaved his sideburns and therefore he didn't want to be seen in public). He leads the team in BA, OBP and # of hot dogs purchased for Sidney Ponson mid-game. Grade: B+

Mike Redmond - Leads team in naked locker room jaunts and number of stitches required per Jim Thome At Bats. Grade: B

Chris Heintz - In one of Gardy's continuing traditions of keeping 3 catchers for no reason at all, Heintz has mustered up 25 AB's, which i am sure have scared the opposing pitchers due to his 6 singles. We know singles lead to runs, or is that walks, which he has two. Really, what pitcher would walk Chris Heintz, he should be demoted right after the pitch. Grade: D+

First Base:

Justin Morneau - Last name is Canadian for, well, Morneau. Has 23 home runs and just celebrated his 100th HR with 3 against the White Sox. After hearing of his 100 HR's, Barry Bonds sent him a Cyanide and Steroid laced Angel Food Cake. Grade: A

Second Base:

Luis Castillo - Lets see, one of the fastest guys on the team yet he has less doubles than Mike Redmond. Of his 88 hits, 78 have been bunt singles. Also seems to like to pull his groin at night. Grade: C+

Alex Casilla: Lets see, 4 SB's in 10 hits. Only up for a short time but shouldn't he really be taking a spot on the roster from Loser-Rod? Grade: B-

Shortstop:

Jason Bartlett: After being moved into the 2nd spot in the batting order he has been on fire. Has 17 SB's in 18 attempts, the only time he got caught was when half way through the stolen base he started laughing realizing that Nick Punto is their 3B and doubled over in laughter. Grade: B+

Third Base:

Luick Puntguez: Combined average of about .200, 3 HR's, basically what you expect out of the non-power position of 3B. Grade: F-

Outfield:

Torii Hunter: The unfortunately soon to be ex-Twin (way to pony up Carl) leads the team in Hits, Doubles and times caught stealing. In a contract year he has put up the best numbers of his career so far, solution, sign him to a 1-year contract. Grade: A-

Michael Cuddyer: Not off to the power surge that he had last year with only 10 HR's. It is obvious he misses Phil Nevin batting behind him. B-

Jason Tyner: Umm, really. We have given 142 AB's to this guy. Spent a lot of time as our DH which is suppose to be a power position. The chances of him hitting a home run increase slightly if the game was played on the moon. Grade: D

Jason Kubel: I am one of the biggest fans of this guy. I will admit part of it is cause he doesn't seem to like to shave and possibly cause he is lazy, just like me. Still, he has the potential to be the next link to a power type lineup, should say we acquire Gay-Rod, Ryne Sandberg and Babe Ruth to DH. Grade: B+

Lew Ford: I know fans love to yell "Lew" but unless you cheer for strikeouts and sitting on the bench, you probably wont hear this. Grade: C-

Rondell White: Only has 1 hit, though he has been limited to 3 games due to injury. My guess is that his hit total would be close if he had played the whole season so far. Grade: D-

Josh Rabe: 6 singles, 7 strikeouts, 0 extra base hits. What we expected. Grade: C

Designated Hitter:

Jeff Cirillo: Can play any infield position and unfortunately our best DH option. Been injured but still is tied for 6th in the team lead with 2 HR's. Grade B-

OK, we will update the pitchers later this week...