NFL Releases Schedule - Every Fan Complains

The NFL released its schedule today, which set off a simultaneous whining from all fans that sounded kinda like the weekly Emergency Broadcast Network's test. Most of the whines sounded like "We have to play two games on the road out of five?", "Why do the schedulers hate my team? (i am going to touch on this trend in a later post)", and "How come we don't get to face Eli Manning this year, i carried over my teams defense in my fantasy league?" Anyways, every fan thinks they got ripped off. Here will be a week by week review of the new NFL Schedule with the following:

Worst game of the week (Worst): The game will absolutely be the worst game of the week, which i guess is the definition of the worst game.
Best game of the week (Best): The game that will be the most over hyped, and annoy you to no end.
Most intriguing sub-plot of the week (MIS): I don't want to type each of those each week.

Week 1:
Worst: Detroit @ Oakland - But you have a chance to see 2 of the top draft picks, assuming these teams aren't stupid enough to trade them, a big assumption. One of these teams wont end up winless, well chances are they will tie 0-0 after players forget there is a game that day.
Best: Chicago @ SD - Could have been the Super Bowl! Well if they would have won.
MIS: NO @ Indy - 1st game of the year. Will anyone watch since there are no east coast teams? Cant think of anything else exciting about this game other than for NO and Indy fans.

Week 2:
Worst: Houston @ Carolina - David Carr returns with the Panthers to face his old team, well if you count that he will be on the bench sending in signals, as facing his old team, big payback for him.
Best: Indy @ TN - Peyton returns home to where he played college ball. Most of the fans in the stands will be Titan fans though, as most of the Volunteer fans will be at home cause they don't want to miss Peyton on TV, and his next commercial.
MIS: SD & NE - Last year the Patriots defaced the Chargers logo at middle field, not by urinating or anything on the logo, but by a dance that proves that no one should respect them, from coast to coast.

Week 3:
Worst: Miami @ NYJ - Miami doesn't have a QB, and by the beginning of the season, Pennington will be injured by some freak tractor accident, so they won't have a QB. I see this game with every snap going to no one and a lot of safeties. I predict 18-16.
Best: Dallas @ Chicago - This could have been the battle of the Jones brothers, Thomas & Julius, but since one has been traded and the other is likely to be traded, and being replaced by better backs, it moves from the worst game to the best game.
MIS: TN @ NO - Everyone is hyping this as the Bush vs Young match up, there are way too many jokes here, should I let them all go?

Week 4:
Worst: Chicago @ Detroit - Detroit backup Josh McNown wants to be traded, and hopefully the Lions have granted this request by now or we may see him hanging from the rafters as he realizes Matt Millen thinks he is worse than Jon Kitna and cant beat Rex Grossman.
Best: GB @ MN - This is only the best game if Randy Moss is traded to GB, he scores a TD and moons the MN crowd, only to have the Viking motorcycle riding mascot to shove a horn up his a**, that would be cool
MIS: TN Bye - Will all 52 TN active players be able to find Pacman Jones after he has wreaked havoc on 7 states while away from the team on suspension and bring him in peacefully, on an all new America's Most Wanted?

Week 5:
Worst: Detroit @ Washington - Matt Millen vs Dan Snyder, the Inept-a-Bowl sponsored by Suckatude.com, if you will.
Best: NYJ @ NYG - How exactly is a game in NY an away game for a NY team? To make it feel like a road game, do they take a flight, to say Omaha and back, to give them a disadvantage. Because Omaha could kill some spirits. The networks will probably call this a Subway Series even though it isn't a series, nor played in the Subway, which would be cool.
MIS: Cincy Bye Week - Even without Chris Henry, will USA's security level be raised to Red level this week, just in case?

Week 6:
Worst: NYG @ Atlanta - On Monday Night, they go for the record of least completion % by both QB's combined and the most combined INT's in the same game. Quite inspired if you ask me.
Best: NO @ Seattle - Both cities were hit by tragedy's. NO, with Hurricane Katrina, and Seattle with the day that Grunge Rock died and it was sunny the same day so everyone got totally sunburned outside Starbucks.
MIS: Indy Bye Week - How many commercials will Peyton film and how many times will we see them the rest of the year?

Week 7:
Worst: Minnesota @ Dallas - 87 cameras shatter at midfield when they try to take a picture of owners Wilf and Jones at the same time. Game is delayed 30 minutes to clean up the shrapnel.
Best: NE @ Miami - Normally NE would be the best game of the week, every week, according to the networks, but i waited until now. The question of the week will be whether Bellichek suffers a heat stroke in Miami from wearing the hoodie in 92 degree heat?
MIS: Baltimore @ Buffalo - Ray Lewis was involved in a double homicide in Florida, imagine the carnage he may provide this week in Buffalo in the middle of October?

Week 8:
Worst: Houston @ SD - Could have been Bush vs LT. Now it is just...ummm...their RB vs a psycho steroid infested Merriman. No Contest. Houston should be able to gain a few yards though if they go with their "Throw a defenseless cat near Merriman" offense.
Best: Oakland @ Tennessee - Just kidding, all the other games this week are just as bad.
MIS: NYG @ Miami - Will Eli survive coming out of the darkness and seeing the sun?

Week 9:
Worst: Houston @ Oakland - Oakland fans will complain about the schedule makers saying we already have to see a crappy team 8 times a year, cant you bring us Indy, or at least a good team from the CFL?
Best: Seattle @ Cleveland - The much anticipated first rematch of the cancelled series between the Indians and the Mariners, unfortunately there is still snow, and the baseball season has ended.
MIS: Chicago Bye Week - Will the police in Chicago have found the body of Rex Grossman yet?

Week 10:
Worst: Detroit @ Arizona - Would be better if Denny Green was still involved and lost to the Lions and claimed "They are what they thought we were, crap" after a 4-3 loss.
Best: Cincy @ Baltimore - Can Ray Lewis defend against the onslaught of Cincy?
MIS: NE Bye Week - The 24 hour coverage of NE's meetings with other bye week teams about lack of respect.

Week 11:
Worst: Oakland @ Minnesota - Same situation as above, only Randy Moss isn't traded and this game will suck worse than that one.
Best: Chicago @ Seattle - In an inspiring story, Rex is rescued by Chicago Police in time for this game to throw 8 INT's in a 14-3 loss, doesn't make flight back to Chicago. Last seen with several LB looking guys near the Puget Sound.
MIS: Cleveland @ Baltimore - Does Cleveland show up at this game, only to find a van waiting to take their equipment to San Antonio?

Week 12:
Worst: Thanksgiving Games - For about 10 years now this has made America miss that 2nd plate of Turkey, Stuffing and Cranberry Sauce due to fear of vomitting. And we are not happy.
Best: Philadelphia @ NE - Even though it is a Sunday night game, Jaws is still confused about the ESPN shift to Monday night games and shows up at the field. He is needed as McNabb goes down with a season ending injury and he leads them to a 20-17 victory, without any actual known receivers.
MIS: Houston @ Cleveland - Does Matt Schaub go to Cleveland and realize if he was traded to them he could have been 2-9 instead of 1-10?

Week 13:
Worst: Detroit @ Minnesota - In the 1st round of this years draft, both teams drafted WR's who are either 5th on the depth chart or have run over a cop...on the field of play.
Best: Cincy @ Pittsburgh - Due to the fact that this is a Sunday night game and most of the Bengal players were arrested since they didn't have to be at the field until 4pm, the Steelers rout 51-13.
MIS: Cleveland @ Arizona - Could the game be cancelled as 38 Cleveland players defect to Arizona and claim political immunity?

Week 14:
Worst: STL @ Cincy - Cincy gets blown out 41-7, but on the bright side Chris Henry returns to score a TD as he runs from the stands in an Orange Jumpsuit to catch a TD. It was impressive as he was in ankle and wrist chains, but was still able to out leap Chad Johnson, as he was planning his TD celebration on a white board in the endzone.
Best: Pitt @ NE - A back and forth game until Tom Brady attacks Ben for dating Natalie Gulbis, as Brady is the only one that is suppose to date Hot Celebs and Roth should only be able to date Rosie or Oprah. After both are ejected, the game ceases to exist since Brady isn't involved.
MIS: Oakland @ GB - Will Randy Moss play for both teams? And by play i mean jog 2 yards off the line of scrimmage on any play he isn't involved.

Week 15:
Worst: Denver @ Houston - This is a Thursday prime time scheduled game. I guess i didn't realize that they made the schedule 2 years ahead of time and couldn't imagine the Texans not drafting Reggie Bush.
Best: Indy @ Oakland - This will be the game of the year for everyone who wants to smash their TV anytime Manning comes on in a commercial. Oakland will not have had this many fans since Bo Jackson was involved.
MIS: Atlanta @ TB - Will John Gruden's head explode? This is of course once Michael Vick carves through the vaunted Bucs defense, cause he is like the most awesome QB ever, according to Nike.

Week 16:
Worst: Houston @ Indy - No playoff implications here as Peyton never returned from the bye week to pursue his career in "acting". His new movie "American Pie: American Virgin who likes Kenny Chesney" opens to crowds of 62, and some of them were teenagers trying to sneak into another R-rated movie and ran out screaming.
Best: TB @ SF - San Fran's surprising 14-0 run has brought the '72 Dolphins out of their diamond encrusted lair to come and support the Bucs. With the Bucs down 20-14 in the final seconds, Bob Greise runs onto the field in SF gear hoping to cause a disqualification. He was so out of touch with reality, he was actually wearing SF Giants gear and interrupted a game winning TB TD. TB loses. The nation cheers.
MIS: GB @ Chicago - This could decide the NFC Central, as one of the teams could get to 6-9 and clinch the division crown.

Week 17:
Worst: Carolina @ TB - David Carr takes over for Jake DelHomme in the last game of the season. Not sure what to do with all the time available in the pocket, he sits down as that is where he is used to being after about 4 seconds behind the Texan line.
Best: NO @ Chicago - Rematch of last seasons NFC Championship, this time Rex Grossman implodes, wait he did that last time and still won, not sure how NO is going to win this game.
MIS: KC @ NYJ - Will LJ's legs actually fall off? He has been run 1034 times this year as KC has no WR's or a proven QB. His legs actually fall off in the 3rd quarter, but he returns in the 4th to score 2 more TD's and KC gets the final playoff spot.

So there it is, what you need to look for this year in the NFL...