Vick Not A Big Fan Of Scooby-Doo as a Child

As reported today, Michael Vick has been indicted stemming from charges related to owning a home and participating in dog fighting. Lets take a look at the details, as they might appear on a law document or something lawyerish:

A. Indicted by a FEDERAL grand jury: The key here is Federal. If it wasn't a federal case then Vick could assume that in a trial by his local peers, his lawyers could probably drum up several Atlanta Falcon's loving, PETA hating locals on the jury, it is the South.

B. He plays for the Falcon's: Now i know you can't tell what that thing on the Atlanta helmet is, nobody can, and in all honesty it kind of scares me. Kinda like the greeter's at team owner Arthur Blanks Wal-Mart store, it is that scary. Anyways, i know the Vick's don't show the best decision-making abilities, but it is somewhat hypocritical to claim you love the Falcon's but hate dogs isn't it?

C. Marcus Vick: I have to believe that maybe the often in trouble little brother of Michael, who was better than his brother at one thing at VA Tech, crimes, has a little bit of a smile going on today. He may not be the Black Sheep anymore...of course that is until maybe tomorrow when his next crime is scheduled.

D. The Charges: Indicted for conspiracy to travel in interstate commerce in aid of unlawful activities and to sponsor a dog in animal fighting. The first charge brings up to 5 years and a $250k fine and the second a $100k fine and up to 1 year. This is some serious stuff and i am sure that Rae Carruth is salivating right now looking for the opportunity to have Vick as his QB in the prison league for the next 6 years, well that, and because his 345lb cellmate has asked him to salivate.

E. Where: It is reported that the fighting occurred in matches with purses ranging from 100's to 1000's of dollars in NC, SC, MD, VA, and NJ. The charges in NJ are expected to be dropped once they realize that it was just a dog attacking a local.

F. Vick's Family: A woman at the home of Vick's mother claimed that they knew nothing of the charges. At least that is what the caller thought she said as he couldn't hear because of the all the noise of dogs growling and yelping in pain in the background.

G. The Details: Due to the horrifying and despicable details of the charge i will not discuss these here other than they disgust me to my core in many ways.

H. Roger Goodall & The NFL: The only comment so far has been that they are disappointed that he has put himself in a situation where a federal grand jury has returned an indictment against him. I am thinking with Roger's new get tough policy, he wont suspend him, but rather have him complete any Fear Factor challenge ever aired that involved the police dogs, minus the safety gear, and with a pound of pot tied to his, well, mid section.

I. Bad Newz Kennels: Lets see, first, wouldn't the authorities look at the name of this company and kinda wonder about its activities. I am pretty sure old Mildred out in the suburbs is not taking Pookie the Poodle here when she heads to Branson on vacation. Secondly, Vick himself calls his hometown, Newport News, BadNews on his website. I guess 2 & 2 sometimes equals -2395 when it comes VA investigators.

J. Atlanta Falcons: They traded away Matt Schaub, brought in Joey Harrington, Kept Michael Vick. When did Matt Millen take over the Falcons. I cant see how the Falcon's can do better than 4-12 this season (unless they play the Raiders 5 times this year) with all this hanging over the head of their QB. Granted, he wasn't a very good QB to begin with and was wildly overrated by all media, if you look at his stats he is somewhere between Eli Manning and his little sister (and for the first time ever i don't mean Peyton (a girls name, so i could see how you might be confused) but his actual 12-year old sister, the 12 year old sister being the better QB of the 2 of course. (by the way, no research has been done as to whether Eli has a little sister, or if he is actually the little sister of his sister Peyton)

K. Fantasy Impact: Can only be humorous for your draft. Prepare your jokes now for the guy or gal who drafts him and says "I cant believe he is still on the board" in the 3rd round. By the way, this is the guy/gal you want to screw over on trades later in the year as he/she doesn't pay attention to whats going on, and is probably the most cocky guy/gal in your league. Actually why do you have this person in your league, kick them out now. Really, this person needs to be ridiculed on your fantasy site daily, hopefully they end up completely insane from all the ribbing that they go insane and walk into work naked or something, at least that's what i hope happens in my league with Jessica Alba.

So, there is the break down of the breaking news.