Fantasy Football AFC South Preview

Alright, this is the third of 8 installments breaking each team’s fantasy sleepers, busts and a former player/fantasy stud that they wish they still had and you wish was still playing. We will now move onto the AFC South:

Houston Texans: I am not sure they are going to be able to match Houston’s former franchise’s record of zero championships, at least not with their current GM. How do you pass on Reggie Bush for some Spanish guy named Mario Williams? It’s almost like on his first day as a GM, he put a picture of every GM on a dartboard to see which one he would like to model himself after and it landed on Matt Millen.

Sleeper: Matt Schaub – He is getting his chance to be a starting QB in the NFL for the first time and I think he will succeed. The reason being is that he has had the chance to be mentored for the past 3 years by an All-Pro QB. A person who has a passion for all sports, not just football. He has taught Schaub that to be successful you have to have a proper balance between football (5%) and other activities outside of football (94%). (The other 1% is for the actual amount of his brain that he uses). Plus, I can’t wait for 6 years from now when we find out that Schaub has been the mastermind and financier of an underground Armadillo tossing ring in Houston.

Bust: Ron Dayne – Now it all makes sense on why they passed on Reggie Bush. They didn't need him since they already have AARP card carrier Ahman Green and Marshmallow Ron Dayne. Seriously, for fantasy purposes I can’t imagine Dayne being able to run 100 yards with no one on the field, let alone during an actual game, if you gave him a week. Now, I am not saying that I could either, but that is like comparing apples to Louie Anderson.

Former Player: Dominick Williams – Your saying to yourself, who? Well, it is the former Dominick Davis who had some good years at RB for the Texans. What does it take to be a good football player? It takes courage and he must have a lot of it for being the one to change his last name AND telling the world that he is the bitch in the relationship after he married his gay lover.

Indianapolis Colts: Indiana is a state known for basketball. The Colts must have taken that to heart when they installed a run defense last year that was similar to the defense played at an NBA All-Star game with Tim Donaghy as the ref and he has bet the over.

Sleeper: Anthony Gonzalez – A lot of the draft experts thought the Colts reached a little bit for Gonzalez with their first round pick. Well, if these so called draft “guru’s” would have done some research they would have seen that the Colts had a glaring hole at White 3rd Wide Receiver.

Bust: Peyton Manning - Not because he is going to suck, cause he isn't. He will be good. But was he worth using a 1st round draft pick for when you could have grabbed the 2nd best QB in the 2nd round and maybe received 2-3 points less per week. Whereas now, your first RB is going to be the 13th-16th best RB out there (unless you play in a league of idiot, so i guess a 50/50 shot) and will score about 5-8 less points per week. (There was no research done in these stats and are just guesses) Oh, one more thing, Peyton Manning Sucks! HeHeHe, i feel like i am 12 again.

Former Player: Jeff George - Only because you want a player who looks this cool on your roster. I am not sure if he is part of Ron Jeremy's, Jeff Foxworthy's, or Richard Simmon's posse? And, how much would you pay to see Richard Simmon's posse? A Grand?

Jacksonville Jaguars: Not sure what the NFL was thinking when they awarded them a franchise back in 1995. There were several larger markets available for a team, like LA, Las Vegas, Boston, Albuquerque and Cancun. They also awarded them a Super Bowl which was a logistical nightmare for visitors coming to the game as well as 80 year old locals who had to get up at 3am and yell "Hey, what are you doing on my lawn? Peeing? Why I'll get you! Just stay right there, i am going to grab my scooter and turn you over to the police".

Sleeper: Matt Jones - For the third year running he is a sleeper again this year. That doesn't normally bode well for you but this is a tall white guy who can really fly. Now that may remind you of someone else, maybe Superman. But no, it reminds me of that time I pushed Christian Laettner off of a skyscraper, minus the whole flying part.

Bust: Jermaine Wiggins - This guy was owned in over 90% of the leagues last year. It probably says something about how bad the Vikings are going to be that he chose to be a 4th string TE on the Jaguars instead of starting in Minnesota. Plus his ugliness is really going to slow him down.

Former Player: Natrone Means - Many of you may have forgot he "played" for the Jaguars. But he did and he was...oh who am i kidding, I just wanted to say Natrone Means Business.

Tennessee Titans: Ah, i miss the days when they were the Tennessee Oilers, and before that the Houston Oilers. Nothing reminds me more of football than Oil. Well, i guess the players are kinda greasy. Though i guess if i think about it, how much better of a name is Titans? I haven't checked the latest census records yet but i am guessing only maybe one or two people in Tennessee listed their occupation as Titan.

Sleeper: Roydell Williams - Really, this just gave me a chance to say Roydell, which i have probably only used in daily conversation maybe 80-90 times in my life, so it feels good to say Roydell again. But seriously, this guy is starting for the Titans. (At WR, i bet a few you went to your Fantasy Football magazine and said "What, is he a kicker?") The reason i make him a sleeper is because last year he caught 8 passes for 121 yards and no TD's. I think he can top that, even if it is just 9 catches for 122 yards and a 2-point conversion.

Bust: LenDale White - When you want to play catch with your buddies at halftime, you sometimes say "You want to throw around the ol' pigskin on the street?" Well, LenDale takes it to another level. He not only likes Pig Skin, but he likes Pig's Feet, Snout, Bacon, Ham, Pigs in a Blanket, Little Piggy Toes, Slop & Policeman...and that is just for breakfast.

Former Player: Frank Wycheck - The passer on the infamous Music City Miracle to Kevin Dyson to defeat Buffalo in the playoffs. So he has 1 pass, for about 70 yards and a TD in his career. Tennesse could use a QB who doesn't throw like a girl. He also made an appearance on TNA Wrestling earlier this summer, i guess i didn't realize he was current Titan Pacman Jones' agent (The phrase "Current Titan" is used very loosely)

Alright, next we will finish up the AFC as we head out West. Also, a new feature is that I have provided links, they are anything that is highlighted blue and you can click on it to get more info or pics.