Fantasy Football NFC East Preview

Alright, this is post #5 on my Fantasy Football preview as we move to the NFC East. I will break down each teams fantasy sleeper, bust, and a former player that the team/you wish they still had. So here is the NFC Least...HaHaHa, i crack myself up, not really that is one of the worst jokes ever, even though i don't like any of these teams: (As always links are in blue (as they are for most sites everywhere), I know everyone knows that, but i am guessing some of my readers might keep on clicking on the orange highlighted ones and next thing they know it is Sunday)

Dallas Cowboys: They are starting to have some success again. The crazy thing about that, is that they are doing it with an owner who is a wax figure. Now, mind you, not an actual wax figurine in the Wax Museum, but an actual wax person. Due to the magic of this thing called television (TV for you tech guru's) you can't actually see the strings attached to his body when he appears on the field.

Sleeper: Marion Barber III - My main question with him is whether or not he will inflict the same damage on his children as his father did on him by naming a boy Marion? Another question would be what if he only has girls? Does he name her Marion Barber IV, and thus deciding her destiny of a life filled with lesbianism and field hockey?

Bust: Terrell Owens - He is well known for his drops. But this year he spent the off season working hard on improving. Not his catching ability but his excuse ability with such gems as: "It was only going to be a 4-yard gain anyways" and "If i caught the pass on that side of the end zone then i wouldn't be able to do my TD celebration that i had planned beforehand". I am guessing that the reason these items are discounted is because he had more returns than sales as people who bought them, made copies and realized after they heard it, they returned both as they wanted to rid their house of this crap. (After checking that out, click to his homepage...you won't get that minute back)

Former Player: Nate Newton - He used to created running lanes through the defense that you could drive a van full of 213lbs of pot through. And then 5 weeks later you could drive a similar van with 175lbs of pot through. Also there would be a good chance Michael Irvin would be in the van as his favorite things are drugs, fur coats, and fake crying in front of people.

Cheerleaders

New York Giants: I used to be so-so on the Giants, I didn't hate them, I didn't love them and they weren't so bad for being a New York team. But then they committed the ultimate sin. They made Trent Dilfer a Super Bowl winning quarterback. And that is unacceptable when such great QB's as Dan Marino, Fran Tarkington, Ryan Leaf and Todd Marinovich have not gotten a ring after such distinguished careers, even though Marinovich's great career was derailed by some legal troubles. (Seriously, check out his crimes, yeah the overbearing father had nothing to do with this)

Sleeper: Steve Smith - When did they land him? The best WR in the league fantasy-wise. Unfortunately his numbers will drop with his new QB unless you count balls thrown within 40 yards of your WR as catches.

Bust: Eli Manning - If you look at his history. Born with the name Elisha. Has over-demanding father in Archie. Has a really successful brother in Cooper Manning. Engaged to a "girl" named Bobby who happens to be studying fashion. Ladies and Gentleman, your next Republican Congressman.

Former Player: Jesse Palmer - I think the exact opposite of Eli as he was on The Bachelor and had 20 women at one time willing to disgrace themselves on national TV to nail him. I wonder if Eli was on that show if it would last one episode as all of the girls would do everything possible to get kicked off, and that is saying something as they don't necessarily get the most intelligent girls on that show.

Cheerleaders - The Giants don't have any cheerleaders, it is probably for the best.

Philadelphia Eagles: The Philly Fans, or Fanatics as they are called are truly amazing. Probably the best fans in the league, if you include sucking down a 20 oz beer with a full cheese steak in your mouth and still being able to say "McNabb, You Suck!" after he just threw a TD pass. That is passion folks.

Sleeper: Jeremy Bloom - The former X-game athlete who can thrash a half-pipe while smoking a mogul should cut a 960 through the wack opposing defense. (I am hip with the kids of today)

Bust: Donovan McNabb - Unfortunately all the Chunky Soup has made him, well Chunky. He now can't scramble for more than 5 yards without having his mom insert a Clam Chowder IV into his arm.

Former Player: Vince Papale - They made a movie about this guy, he must be awesome. How many other football players had a movie made about them? OJ in Naked Gun 33 1/3 where he tries to kill an umpire (who probably slept with his ex-wife), Keanu Reeves in The Replacements, which was based on an actual story, and Showgirls which chronicles Pacman Jones's life.

Cheerleaders

Washington Redskins: They probably have one of the most offensive team names, logos, and owners in modern sports. The only comparisons i can think of are the Birmingham Crackers and the Albuquerque Canadasux.

Sleeper: Chris Cooley - Has to be, he nailed and married one of the cheerleaders. But it doesn't stop there, his nickname is Captain Chaos, which is what his wife calls him in the bedroom as TE's are quite awkward.

Bust: Clinton Portis - Not only does he have LaDell Betts sneaking up on him for playing time, but he has this on his website, which doesn't help in any sense. In fact, i would cut him right now and try to get back any bonus money due to some mental imbalance. My Favorite is Sheriff Gonna Getcha.

Former Player: Joe Theisman - Just because Joe thinks that Joe can solve any problem and thinks that people value his opinion. His ego was once seen circling the Moon in a shape that looked like someone stabbing someone else in the back. Though maybe he should be cut some slack as it seems he has found God as during one of his divorces, he had this to say about his cheating with other women "God would want Joe Theisman to be happy"

Cheerleaders

OK, next up will be the NFC North...that should be fun.