Johan Santana and Terry Ryan not BFF anymore

It was reported last week that Johan Santana was not necessarily going to invite Twins GM Terry Ryan to his Thanksgiving feast this year. See, Mr. Santana was not pleased with Ryan’s trade deadline moves. The only move that was made by Ryan was to trade away 2nd baseman Luis “McGimperson” Castillo for a couple of minor leaguers, which Santana took as a sign that the Twins are giving up on this season.

One view is that this move allows the Twins to save $2 million this year for a player they weren't going to re-sign anyways and also allows Twins owner Carl Pohlad to stuff 2 million $1 dollar bills under his mattress and in his pillow so he can be more comfortable sleeping at night, as I know it must be tough on your conscience that we are helping pay for a stadium under the guise that you would put more money into the team, well that would be for someone who had a conscience. On the other hand the Twins get to call up prospect Alexi Casilla, who has been impressive so far and has tripled Castillo’s RBI production in just a few games while hitting the ball past the pitcher every once in awhile. Also, in the deal the Twins nabbed former Twin great Sal Butera’s son in the deal (Sal must have some compromising pictures of Terry) and if he is 1/5 as good as his Dad, he may disappoint fans on a level not seen ever before.

Now, Johan is normally a reserved fellow, but he must have been saving up all this pent up anger (Serenity Now, Johan, Serenity Now) as he went off on several other things that he is angry about this week on the radio, or near a radio:

1. That the Twins continue their experiment with Little Nicky Punto, a local 6th grader from Minneapolis, as a regular at 3rd Base. Pohlad says he is trying to get closer to the community but Santana believes that he is once again being cheap as all he has to do is pay him in Shannon Tweed DVD's and fireworks.

2. Santana is upset that Coach Gardenhire won't show him his cool trick of rolling his pack of Marlboro Menthol's up in his sleeve so he looks cool for the chick reporters after the game.

3. He is very upset that by the time he gets to the park, all of the Twinkie's, Ho Ho's and Blueberry Pies have been taken from the pre-game spread. He believes the main culprits are Denis Reyes and Carlos Silva who do all interviews with yummy filling all over their face just like George Costanza in the US Open episode of Seinfeld.

4. He can't concentrate when Mike Redmond is his catcher, as Redmond's daily nude jaunts through the locker room have him picturing him naked while he is trying to pitch. Either way, he asks for a new ball after each pitch as he is not sure what Redmond's hand has scratched recently.

5. His one true-tell sign that the Twins are giving up is that they still hand the ball to Ramon Ortiz, even with a 12 run lead. He was quoted as saying "I don't think a 30 run lead is enough with this dude. I know it doesn't sound possible but he could give up that lead with one swing, he is that bad."

6. He is pretty positive Gardy steals his 40 of Schlitz Malt Liquor out of his locker after every game as he has a 162-pack of paper bags.

So that's what he is ticked about. As to his claim that he may want to sign somewhere else, that kinda bites. Here would be my favorite destinations for him after his contract is up:

1. Minnesota Twins
2. Rochester Red Wings (Twins AAA affiliate)
3. New Britain Rock Cats (Twins AA Affiliate, on rehab assignment)
4. My softball team
5. Does he know Japanese?
6. National League team that doesn't include the word Cubbravemetcardinaldodger.
7. AL East team other than the two hated empires
8. Kansas City/Pittsburgh (yes, i believe these two cities will get major league baseball teams before his contract is up)
9. Two sport star - Vikings could use a QB and he can obviously throw a ball, which is a basic talent lacking with our current QB's.

Alright back with more later...
10.