NFL's New Team - Defensive Roster

(See Offensive Roster in below post)

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has announced today that they will be adding a 33rd team to the NFL next year. This team will not officially play any games during the season, as they will mainly be spent at a "practice" facility, as sort of a minor league team and have scrimmages against CFL, Arena League, and local High School teams. All of their games will be home games in a fenced in park near San Quentin, CA and should they finish undefeated they will get to play either the Lions or Texans at the end of the year, under heavy security. Should they win, they will be able to enter the NFL next year, with all members of the Texans or Lions being sent down to this "minor" league.

Goodell announced the team today and why they were selected for the San Quentin All-Stars and the pre-"camp" depth chart, Here is the defensive team:

Defense:

(We are combining the starting defensive line together)

DE - Dexter Reid (Guns, Drugs)
DT - Tank Johnson (Weapons, of somewhat mass destruction)
DT - Gerard Warren (Firearms)
DE - Frostee Tucker (Spousal Battery) - The best chance for the offense is to run at Frostee Tucker. First, his name is Frostee. Second, the arsenal of the other linemen will wipe out whole offensive plans, as well as players.

DL: Darrell Reid (Marijuana, DUI) - Never able to live up to his brother Dexter's potential above, he is relegated to 2nd string once again. Looking to show up his brother's "better" record, voted most likely to end up as a sniper on top of a stadium right before game time.

LB: OJ Nicholson (Burglary, Grand Theft) - Team is looking for him to create several fumbles this year with most of them being returned for a TD, and then outside the stadium, far away from security.

LB: Ray Lewis (Double Murder) - Upset that his team captaincy was taken away by a later teammate, he will be looking to triple his effort this year, if you know what i mean.

LB: Steve Foley (DUI, Shot by Police) - Will stand up to anyone, most likely to be shot by a security guard while running out of the tunnel before the game due to an untied shoelace.

LB: Joey Porter (Assault) - Relegated to backup duty since he waits for 6 other teammates to attack the runner before jumping in on the infraction (learned this from Ray Lewis)

CB: Pacman Jones (Name It) - Team Captain - Considered a shut down corner. After the snap of the ball, he "makes it rain" with $1 bills, in which greedy WR's drop to start picking them up. WR's should really be strippers, they seem to love themselves quite a bit.

CB: Nick Harper (Hitting Wife) - Will mostly be replaced after 4th play after 4 interference calls against him.

S: Dwight Smith (Indecent Conduct - Stairwell) - Not a good option as the last line of defense as he will probably let the runner/receiver score the TD and then try to take him into the tunnel for some fun.

S: Terrance Keil (Transporting Controlled Substance) - Team is worried about his interception return yards as after he intercepts the ball, he will try to break it down the ball to its original form and get tackled.

DB: Fred Smoot (Boat Cruise) - Has shown the ability to organize a big group of people in a short time. This will help as he will be asked to make the secondary calls in the nickel defense, which is what he spent per dance on the cruise

PR: Rae Carruth (Murder) - The team felt they needed a local guy in San Quentin to help draw fans.

P: Todd Sauerbraun (Steroids) - Team officials are a little concerned, as everyone of his punts leave the yard, i mean field, the guy retrieving it may not return.

Long Snapper: Eli Manning (Basically being a spoiled brat) - He hasn't actually done this in the past, but it was one of the requirements of the rest of the players if they were going to agree to play on this team. They basically wanted to be able to pound on him. They originally requested Peyton, but he had commercial commitments on Sunday during the football season.

Coaches:

Head Coach: Jim Harbaugh (DUI) - His playbook will be basically unreadable, but the Gatorade bottles wont just contain Gatorade.

Asst Head Coach: Joe Cullin (DUI, Driving thru a Wendy's Drive-Thru Naked) - Oddly enough, though he spends time on the sidelines naked, he showers with his clothes on?

Head Cheerleading Coach: Richie Anderson (Solicitation) - He has an inside connection to the sister prison next to San Quentin, and should be able to get the best "Talent" to "fill" out the squad.

So there is the new team. If you actually look at the team, i am pretty sure they could finish 10-6 in the NFC, OK, 16-0.