Mailing it in - Kinda

OK, i was going to try to come up with a funny post about the two major stories from the last two days, but i cant as they are both despicable and what i wrote didn't seem right. So i will do a quick note on them and then hit a few other stories for the holiday weekend, a semi-headlines post. OK, onto the first major story:

Elijah Dukes: So lets see his thought pattern here. Work my way up through the minor leagues and eventually start for a major league team (well, Tampa is still considered major league team as far as i know). What should i do next? Buy a car? Buy a home for mom? No, i should probably threaten to kill my wife and her kids, send them a text about it, including a photo of a gun (since they cant trace that these days??) and then when asked about it, say i need to finish a video game like it is no big deal. Ladies and Gentleman, our next baseball role model.

Josh Hancock's Father: Yes, i am sorry he lost his son, and i can't imagine the grief, but his lawsuit is beyond belief and in reality, tarnishing the legacy of his son. Lets look at the defendants in the suit:

The Bar: There is some legal precedent here, but were they actually holding him down and forcing him to drink? From what i have heard, they asked him to take a cab.
The Tow Truck Company and the Tow Truck Driver: They are claiming that he wasn't able to clear the road fast enough. This lawsuit is disgusting.
The driver of the stalled car: This is the sickest, a guy tries to avoid someone cutting him off, and spins out thus stalling his car, and now he is being sued cause he wasn't able to get his car off the road in an acceptable amount of time for Mr Hancock. Insane.

I know that he is probably being influenced by a scudsy lawyer, but still he is trying to blame everyone but the actual cause.

OK, lets hit some notes:

Joe Paterno is not satisfied with his maid service.

MeShawn retires so he can yell to a bigger audience.

Jeter wants to own his own team, signs A-Rod, cuts him.

Trent Green looking to overtake Favre's most TV time streak.

Brewer's star on The Young and The Restless, Nation realizes there is a baseball team in Milwaukee.

Indianapolis 500 Speedway finally installs separate bathrooms, locker rooms.

ESPN airs first "important" May series between two teams that are 10.5 games apart in the standings. Viewers rejoice, if rejoice means not watching or caring.

Alright, everyone have a great holiday weekend, i will be back next week with some pre-wedding posts as i am sure, as always, the sports world will provide something to make fun of.