NFL Trades and FA Signings

The NFL free agency period has gotten off to a rocking start after the first weekend, and yes i did just use the word "rocking", i have moved up into the 70's in terms of cultural references. Here is my take on all the signings and trades:

Fred Smoot signs with the Redskins: My guess is that he wanted to be nearer to the ocean and therefore international waters where he can have a love cruise and not subject to those stringent American laws and stuff.

London Fletcher-Baker signs with the Redskins: I am thinking that Washington was looking to toughen up their defense by signing this speedy LB. Well, i am not sure if you know this Mr. Snyder, but you dont toughen up anything with a guy who hyphenates his last name, unless maybe its a dance-off.

Drew Bennett signs with the Rams: The Rams were quick to act on their token white guy receiver rule after Kevin Curtis decided to become a free agent.

Ahmen Green signs with the Texans: The Texans finally revealed their master plan on why they passed on Reggie Bush, they were waiting for a washed up Green to become a free agent. I didnt realize that Matt Millen was allowed to run two clubs at the same time?

Travis Henry signs with the Broncos: I think Mike Shanahan is just getting cocky now. He has shown that he can turn any RB into a 1000 yd rusher. He had a tough challenge last year with the Bell's and now he will take on his greatest challenge yet, Travis Henry. Since Henry normally average about 2 yds per carry, he is somehow going to have to find a way to get him 500 carries, and still manage to get a first down here and there.

Kyle Brady signs with the Patriots: This one is obvious. They didnt want to have Tom Brady saddled down with his thoughts of parenthood and being a father, so they brought in another Brady to take care of those duties for him. I am guessing Bridgette wont know the difference.

Ovie Mughelli signs with the Falcons: I am pretty sure this signing is just so Michael Vick has an alias name to use to get through the airport or to check into hotels in Mexico.

Najiah Davenport re-signs with the Steelers: I guess he has found the city with the best garbage cans in the worlds to take dumps in. And in all honesty, it doesnt surprise me that it is Pittsburgh.

Leonard Davis signs with the Cowboys: Rumor is it that Nate Newton has sprained an ankle and they needed to sign an overweight offensive lineman to drive his pot filled van around.

Eric Steinbach signs with the Browns: Rumor is that the Cleveland owners were on the verge of being tried for manslaughter charges for their treatment of their QB's over the past few years. This signing is basically an attempt to get the fuzz off their back.

Ashley Lelie signs with the 49er's: After disappointing fans in two cities, Lelie is trying for a third fanbase in hopes of catching Ashley Simpson and Ashley Olsen of the Olsen Twins for the title of disappointing the most male fans by someone named Ashley. A man has never taken the title, but i think Lelie has a shot.

Vikings make a splash with their signings: After signing Visanthe Shianrve and Vinny Ciureiu, the Vikings are ready to challenge the Lions for last place, and also the title of team with the most vowels.

Bucs trade for a retired guy, sign a should be retired guy. Tampa is trying to adjust to their core audience, old retired guys who where alot of white polyester. So what do they do, sign Plummer, who could have been the next DeBerg/Testeverde, but he retired. So they go for the 38 year old Garcia, who by the most trusted news source out there, TO, is gay. Not sure how is going to fit into their fan base other than the fact that they both like wearing slippers and silk pajama's.

Brian St Pierre is still available: This isnt real shocking news. The shocking news is that he has 4 years of NFL experience. Really??? A team should pick him up because he has the opportunity to become the best 3 name QB ever. Better than Eli Runslikeagirl Manning, Ryan screwovertheteamthatdraftedme Leaf, or Vinnie Del Negro (ok, he wasnt a QB, but i was going for a sports reference and am pretty sure Vinnie could throw a better ball than Eli or Ryan)

Matt Millen has been abducted: The Lions made a sensible trade this week. I have only a couple of conclusions as to why this happened. Matt Millen has been abducted and replaced by the ESPN random trade generator or he got the Denver GM really drunk one night and he agreed to this. In this case i am guessing the Denver GM was trying to say Drambuie and Millen wrote down Dre Bly.

Alright, that is the lowdown on the early signings, and two posts in one day...who knows what tomorrow brings.